


mood swings

by naktoms



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Biting, Blood, Discontinued for now, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Temporary Character Death, Various Cameos - Freeform, bad pacing, rewrite coming probably never
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-04-22 18:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4845614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naktoms/pseuds/naktoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beloved by one of South Korea's most feared vampires. What a concept.</p><p>(<a href="http://sweet-hwh.tumblr.com/post/137340432860/transfiction-mood-swings"> available in thai!</a>)</p><p>*PLEASE NOTE* the mood swings series has been compressed into this one work! if you're looking for the rest of the series, it is now in chapters!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i'll say it for yall: "jesse fucking use wonhos real name"  
> and ill reply for yall: "no u cant make me"
> 
> jk ill do it one day. one day. maybe. I Don't Know.  
> in the meantime, check this shit out.  
> kudos + comments are appreciated!!

Hyungwon always likes going out this late, when everything around him is cold and silent. It’s oddly soothing to hear nothing but his own breathing; it makes him feel like a denizen of the night, not the human he truly is.

He feels a gaze, heavy on his shoulders, and is reminded of his mortality. This is not his city, and he knows it.

But, he has some measure of protection that causes him to walk as tall as he does through this part of town, and that is that he belongs to Wonho. Wonho is a feared vampire, and every hungry pair of eyes sitting on Hyungwon tonight knows they’ll be torn apart if they so much as lay a hand on Hyungwon.

Hyungwon turns right at the flower shop, heading down the alley that will take him to Wonho’s underground dwelling. There’s a manhole cover that Hyungwon knows how to pop off (there’s a crowbar hidden behind the dumpster) and a ladder that Hyungwon doesn’t have to feel through the dark for, not anymore.

The only people that live in these tunnels, once filled with sewer smell but now just the damp scent of under-earth, are vampires and the homeless. Hyungwon sees small, warm lights from his right, the glow of drugs being lit up and people looking at their phones. Hyungwon would like to say he doesn’t need a light to navigate through here, but he’d rather not trip over a sleeping form or get his foot hung in a hole. So, he takes his phone out and flicks the flashlight app on.

It’s far too bright for his eyes and he squints for a few moments, then proceeds. Wonho’s place isn’t too far into the tunnels, just two lefts and a straight path away. The door opens when Hyungwon twists the knob, of course, because Wonho knows that he’s coming.

Wonho’s place smells much different than the tunnels outside. It’s warm, inviting, something Hyungwon is used to by now. There are candles burning in various parts of the house beyond the foyer.

Hyungwon shuts the door. He locks it for good measure then kicks his shoes off, switching his phone off and putting it in his coat pocket.

“Wonho?” Hyungwon calls, even though he doesn’t need to. He knows Wonho heard him come in, and Wonho will be bullshitting him if he doesn’t pop up soon.

A whispered, “Hello, dearest,” right beside his ear makes Hyungwon jump, spinning around just in time to see Wonho grin.

“Asshole,” Hyungwon complains, hitting Wonho’s shoulder lightly. Wonho pulls Hyungwon close to his body, kissing his cheek before his lips.

“I’ve missed you,” Wonho says lowly, bringing them into the living room and onto the couch.

Hyungwon hums in response, settling himself in Wonho’s lap with his legs to either side of Wonho’s. He takes Wonho’s face in his hands, tilting his head up so that his eyes catch the candlelight. Hyungwon makes a face at their orangeish hue, which indicates that Wonho hasn’t been feeding frequently enough. “Once a month my ass,” Hyungwon mumbles, dipping to kiss Wonho almost fondly.

“I can go for much longer than just one month,” Wonho says quietly, kissing right below Hyungwon’s ear. “I don’t want to inconvenience you in any way, dearest. So that’s why I told you only once a month for feeding.” He reaches to unbutton Hyungwon’s coat and Hyungwon lets him, knowing that Wonho is enough to keep him warm. “How are things on the surface? I haven’t been up in quite some time, since you became my only sustenance I’ve found no need to.”

Hyungwon shrugs, taking his coat off himself and tossing it to the floor. “Nothing much. There’s a school break coming up soon, so I might just stay with you for those couple of weeks. Is that fine?”

Wonho nods, nosing along Hyungwon’s neck. “More than fine, it gets mighty lonely down here.”

“Mmm, it’s lonely up top, too.” Hyungwon says, reaching up to slide a hand into Wonho’s hair. “Go ahead. It’s what I’m here for, after all.”

Wonho tightens his hold on Hyungwon, pulling him closer and pressing a kiss overtop Hyungwon’s pulse point. “You smell different,” Wonho remarks, turning his head slightly so Hyungwon can hear him better. “New cologne?”

“Mmhm. Perfume, actually, I stole it from Dasom.” Hyungwon smiles, tilting his head to the side to give Wonho more room. “Do you like it?”

“I like the other better, but this is alright too.” Wonho plants more kisses along Hyungwon’s neck and shoulder, pushing his oversized shirt to the side. Hyungwon always thinks that this build-up is the sweetest thing, Wonho never letting Hyungwon get the feeling that he’s not appreciated, maybe even loved.

Loved by one of the most fearsome vampires in all of South Korea. What a concept.

Maybe it’s laughable, but it’s not hard to imagine. Wonho once explained that he’s not like vampires Hyungwon has seen on TV, dead and cold; those exist, but so do those like Wonho, breathing and living with blood rushing through their veins. Wonho also explained that most turned vampires, the ones who are dead and cold, are vengeful and full of hatred. Wonho has never experienced being human, so he’s never had that taken away from him. He has a lot more room for other things.

But, maybe that’s just Hyungwon overthinking, or projecting what he hopes would happen. He’s fine like this, sure, but the concept is interesting to say the least.

Hyungwon is drawn out of his thoughts by Wonho finally sinking his teeth into his flesh, bringing a soft sound from Hyungwon’s lips. Wonho pulls away slightly, enough for his fangs to pull out of Hyungwon’s shoulder. Wonho’s mouth is warm on his skin, tongue catching blood before it can stain Hyungwon’s shirt.

Hyungwon has always liked this; this feeling of raw intimacy, sharing something that keeps them both alive even if just in different ways. It was part of the reason why he even considered it after Wonho propositioned him, and why he agreed to do it long-term. It makes him feel valued in ways he didn’t think possible.

But, again, maybe that’s just him overthinking.

It always feels like an eternity when it’s really just a couple minutes, but Wonho finally breaks away with kisses and fingers rubbing circles into Hyungwon’s lower back. Wonho looks up at him, dark brown color bleeding back into his eyes, and Hyungwon smiles.

“You’re so precious,” Wonho whispers, hands moving to push Hyungwon’s hair back from his forehead. “So beautiful, so good to me.”

“Don’t get cheesy,” Hyungwon half-whines, thumb wiping a bit of blood from the corner of Wonho’s mouth. “It’s not a problem, you know I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to. You don’t have to butter me up like that.”

Wonho kisses Hyungwon gently, smiling against his mouth. He tastes like copper. “It’s not buttering, it’s appreciation. I’ve been feeling less… less dirty, only feeding from you. I can’t explain it, but I do know it’s something that needs thanks in return.”

“Mmm, such a sap.” Hyungwon coos, pressing his forehead to Wonho’s. “The only thanks I need is you letting me sleep on you.”

“Ah, go right ahead.”

 

It’s the middle of Hyungwon’s first break from classes in what must be forever and he’s awoken with, “Good morning, dearest, I love you.”

Hyungwon wipes sleep from his eyes and looks up at Wonho, silhouetted by lamplight. “What?”

“Sorry, I have no tact and I wanted to say it before I lost the nerve.” Wonho leans over to kiss Hyungwon’s forehead, laughing when Hyungwon hooks an arm around his shoulders and pulls him down to lay beside him.

“You woke me up just to be dumb,” Hyungwon complains, burying his face into Wonho’s shoulder.

“My apologies, darling. Go back to sleep.” Wonho says, holding Hyungwon close.

Hyungwon pauses a few moments, eyes closed and breaths light, before whispering, “I love you too, dumbass.” He then smiles and adds, “Now tell me why you love me.”

“So demanding,” Wonho says, stroking Hyungwon’s hair. Despite it, he knows it’s a joke, so things fall silent again.

Hyungwon is happy. He only dozes from then on, but he is happy in Wonho’s arms, listening to his sluggish heartbeat through his chest.

What a concept.

 

Hyungwon likes the way bruises and scratches look on his skin, but they can’t replace the smattering of gray and pink dots on Hyungwon’s neck and shoulders. If anyone ever saw, they’d know immediately what it was, and though it’s not like he’ll be thrown in jail or anything, he’s loathe to find out what his friends would think.

That seems a world away for the moment, however. Instead, he’s got an idea of what will look even better on his skin.

He yells for Wonho, even though he knows Wonho would have heard him without the volume increase. Wonho’s there in an instant, vague concern on his face, and Hyungwon ushers him in.

“What is it, dear?” Wonho asks, standing behind Hyungwon and putting his arms loosely around his waist.

“Nothing, just…” Hyungwon reaches over his shoulder, pausing with his finger hovering near Wonho’s lips. “My hands are clean,” he informs, before slipping his finger past Wonho’s lips and finding one of his fangs.

“What are you doing?” Wonho asks, slurred, as Hyungwon presses the fang into his fingertip.

“It feels cheap to ask you to bite me when you don’t need to.” Hyungwon says, and it sounds weird to his own ears.

Wonho smiles and closes his lips around Hyungwon’s finger, sucking lightly at the small wound. “Not cheap,” Wonho says once Hyungwon’s pulled his finger away. “But, why in here?”

Hyungwon makes eye contact with Wonho in the mirror, embarrassed to find that he looks somewhat flustered and shy. “I- I wanted to see it. You know, I can’t usually, because I’m not a fucking giraffe.”

Wonho laughs, showing teeth. “Alright, dear.” His eyes fall shut as he presses kisses to Hyungwon’s clothed shoulder, pulling the collar aside with his teeth.

“Wow, too lazy to use your hands?” Hyungwon says, and gets a tug of his belt loops in response, pulled flush against Wonho.

“You’re ruining the mood,” Wonho says lowly, breath fanning across Hyungwon’s skin. Hyungwon shivers, heartbeat quickening as he watches Wonho in the mirror pull at his skin with blunt teeth. He hasn’t felt this anticipant since the first time, and Wonho is obviously making a show of teasing him.

“Come on, dickhead, you’re- ah!” Hyungwon almost forgets that he wants to watch when Wonho finally bites him, the purely hungry way Wonho does it being the cause of his shocked noise. Wonho’s always taken care to be gentle, Hyungwon almost never feeling more than a little sting. This makes Hyungwon’s knees weak; he’s thankful that Wonho has his arms around him.

Wonho only takes a mouthful or two from Hyungwon before pulling away slightly, kissing up Hyungwon’s neck. Hyungwon is almost sure that Wonho intentionally forgets to lick his lips beforehand, leaving red smudges on the skin around the wound leaking crimson.

“Kiss, kiss me,” Hyungwon finds himself almost begging, turning his head in time for Wonho to seal their mouths together, the same hunger consuming his kisses. Hyungwon is overwhelmed, body flushed with heat, and he’s again thankful that Wonho has his arms around him.

Wonho presses his mouth to the currently unmarked side of Hyungwon’s neck, kissing fondly while Hyungwon clings to him and tries to catch his breath. “You know,” Wonho breathes, lips finding Hyungwon’s jawline, “sometimes you feel so fragile in my arms. You’re so light, I could hurt you by accident, but you trust me so much.”

The feelings are conflicting, affection mixing with desire. Hyungwon doesn’t know what to do, so he kisses Wonho’s forehead, smiling when Wonho kisses him for real, much less heated.

“You talk about me ruining the mood,” Hyungwon says, raking his hands through Wonho’s hair, “what about you?”

“Touche, dearest, touche.”


	2. fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (n.) emotion caused by the belief that something could cause pain, distress, or any other unpleasant emotion  
> (Something that Hyungwon is feeling a lot more, now.)
> 
> ([available in thai!](http://sweet-hwh.tumblr.com/post/137547876395/transfiction-fear-monsta-x))

There’s someone following Hyungwon.

He first noticed it about four blocks back, the shadow out of the corner of his eye, drifting from his line of sight. He didn’t have to look back to know they were following him, footsteps echoing along with his own in the alleyway.

Hyungwon thinks himself to be quite the calm guy, able to keep his cool in any situation. But the darkness around him and the fact he’s alone makes the uncertain identity of the tail even more dangerous. He doesn’t think it’s a vampire, because he feels that he would have already been dead if they were.

Hyungwon stops at the mouth of the alleyway that he would normally turn down to go to Wonho’s place. He doesn’t turn around, instead fixes his eyes on a dripping gutter, and says, “Who are you, and what do you want?”

There’s the scuff of shoes from behind him, letting him know that his tail has gotten closer. “A hunter. I need to ask you some questions.”

“A hunter,” Hyungwon repeats, turning then. The lower half of the hunter’s face is covered by a cloth mask, and their eyes are cold and calculating. “Why exactly do you need to ask me some questions?”

“Because we know of your affiliation with Shin Wonho.”

Hyungwon keeps his face carefully blank, faking indifference. In reality, his heart is hammering in his chest, fear like ice in his veins. He has to be careful what he says, now. “Uh-huh. What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’d rather not have this conversation out here, can you come with me?” The hunter says, half-turning to leave.

Hyungwon stays, folding his arms across his chest. “I’d also rather not go with someone I just met, how do I know you don’t plan to lock me away? Or if you’re lying to me?”

The hunter sighs. “Fair enough. Would you be comfortable with giving me your phone number, then?”

Hyungwon thinks for a moment, looking past the hunter and at the dimly lit main road. “I suppose.”

The hunter leaves once they get what they want and Hyungwon keeps his quiet, stony demeanor until everything falls silent. He releases a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, finding when he reaches for his phone that his hands are shaking.

He turns to press his back to the wall, disregarding how grimy and damp it is, and calls Wonho.

“Hello, dearest!”

Wonho’s voice is enough to soothe Hyungwon’s nerves somewhat, at least to the point where he can trust himself to not be incoherent. “Hi, darling. Something just happened.”

“What is it?” Wonho asks, and Hyungwon can hear the concern tinting his voice.

“A fucking hunter just approached me,” Hyungwon says, trying to keep his voice down just in case there’s anyone around. A silly sentiment at three in the morning, but still. “They told me they wanted to ask me some questions and I am scared shitless.”

“Oh, dear… is it safe for you to come down?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. The hunter told me they already know that I hang out with you, but I’m not sure if they know to what extent.” Hyungwon brushes his hair away from his face, hands still quivering. “God, I’m so scared. I’m so scared.”

“Shh, darling, we’ll be fine. Just- remember, you have to look out for yourself first. Keep yourself safe no matter what.”

Hyungwon nods even though he knows Wonho can’t see it. “Yeah, yeah, I know, I just- god, I’m scared.” He stares at the wall opposite him, at wet paper sticking to the very bottom of the wall. “Okay, okay, fuck it. I’m coming down anyway, I’ll do a walk around the block to see if all’s clear. I’ll be down in a few.”

“Okay. Stay safe, I love you so much.”

“Mmhm. I love you too.”

Wonho is waiting at the door when Hyungwon comes in, immediately wrapping him into a hug and squeezing as tight as he can.

“You’re safe, right? All in one piece, not hurt?” Wonho asks, cupping Hyungwon’s cheeks with his hands and tilting his head this way and that.

“I’m fine,” Hyungwon says, touching Wonho’s wrists lightly. “Everything was clear, nothing else happened. I’m fine.”

Wonho nods, kissing Hyungwon’s forehead fondly. “Come, come, sit.”

Hyungwon lets Wonho guide him to the couch, sitting cross-legged to face Wonho once he sits as well. Wonho mirrors his position, putting his hands on Hyungwon’s knees. His hands are warm, as usual.

“I don’t know why they went after me,” Hyungwon says finally, after a few long moments of staring at his lap. “I don’t know what sort of information I could possibly have, I mean- it’s not like I know many of your friends, nobody useful to the hunters.”

“Hunters have very strange methods of achieving their goals.” Wonho says slowly, thumb rubbing the inseam of Hyungwon’s pants. “They could want to get at me, instead, and wish to use you as a messenger. I guarantee no hunter in this city would be brave enough to come here themselves.”

“I don’t want to be a messenger, though, it could- you could get hurt, right?” Hyungwon asks, raising a hand to rub his eyes.

“You are not responsible for my safety, Hyungwon.” Wonho whispers, firm. “I’m far more than capable of taking care of myself, dear, you don’t have to worry.”

Hyungwon pouts. “I feel so useless sometimes. Sure, I- I feed you and all but what good is that if I, if…” He trails off, biting his lip hard and looking off to the side. He doesn’t want to cry, he hates crying, hates feeling weak and vulnerable even though he’s with Wonho now.

“You are far from useless,” Wonho says softly, leaning over to kiss Hyungwon’s cheek, gentle and fond. “You are the best company I’ve had in my two hundred years of living, and I couldn’t ask for more from you. I love you more than you will ever know.”

Hyungwon nods, tearful despite his best attempts, and Wonho brushes tears from his eyes. “I’m sorry,” Hyungwon whispers, for no particular reason.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Wonho replies, a small smile lighting up his face. It’s enough to get Hyungwon to smile as well. “I suppose you’ll be speaking with this hunter sometime in the next few days, so keep in mind all I’ve said. Keep yourself safe above all else. Don’t let them trick you into giving away more than you need to. If they do want to use you as a messenger, tell them to fuck off and come talk to me themselves. Okay?”

Hyungwon nods in agreement. Wonho gathers his hands up and kisses his knuckles, and it really strikes Hyungwon then just how lucky he’s gotten. Protected from almost all that could hurt him, loved and adored and taken care of, exalted above all else by a centuries-old creature whose eyes crinkle up when he smiles.

Hyungwon decides that he has to protect Wonho above all else, instead.

The local hunter headquarters smells like air freshener and metal (maybe the scent of blood). Hyungwon made an effort to look as well put together as possible, dressing sharply casual and actually bothering to comb his hair. For a weekend where he had nothing planned, this is a feat, and he truly hopes the employees working in the headquarters are appreciative.

Based on the many heads turning his way, he figures they are. He keeps the smile off his face, however, because he’s here for business.

He was met at the door by a female hunter with close cut hair and a frosty attitude, but he’s decided to disregard any blunt demeanors around here. When you kill vampires for a living, you must become pretty jaded. Especially when dealing with lowly commoners like Hyungwon.

“The head hunter will meet with you soon,” the woman says once they step into what seems to be an office room, rows of desks with people filling out paperwork set up in the room. The employees don’t notice their arrival.

Hyungwon feels a little lost when the woman splits off to return to whatever she was doing before Hyungwon came down. He had gotten a text this morning asking if he could come to headquarters and if he could be trusted with the location. The answers to both questions were yes, seeing as it was a Saturday and he had no college classes, not today. It was off the main road, down a driveway and tucked underground in a building that Hyungwon previously thought was just a farmhouse. In hindsight, it’s very clever.

He feels almost like he’s intruding, even though he’s standing against the wall near the door and nobody’s even looked at him since he’s come into the room. Here are all these people, probably putting ungodly, countless hours into their work. And for what? For vampire-perpetrated murders to still make headlines? For thousands of people to still go missing every year as a result?

He curls his nose up absently. It seems like a worthless venture to him.

He’s pulled out of his thoughts by someone very official-looking coming over to him, saying, “Hey, you look kind of lost, do you need something?”

“Oh, I was- I was supposed to meet with the head hunter soon,” Hyungwon says, taken off guard. He had plans to sound very detached and indifferent, but now that’s gone to shit.

The man in front of him nods, smiling. His friendly disposition is quite a change from everything else Hyungwon has seen thus far. “I see. Were you summoned?” When Hyungwon nods, the man gestures for Hyungwon to follow him. “Come, this way. I’m sure he’ll be fine with a little interruption.”

Hyungwon isn’t so sure, but he follows anyway.

The head hunter’s office isn’t nearly as grand as Hyungwon was expecting, just a particularly large room with only one huge desk in it and many chairs sitting in a semi-circle before it. Hyungwon’s guide gestures for him to enter the room fully and it strikes Hyungwon that he’s going at this alone. He’s more afraid, now.

The head hunter is a tall man, tired-looking and with artfully mussed hair. He looks up at Hyungwon’s arrival, making a face that lets Hyungwon know he did not want to deal with this today. “Alright, then, come on and sit. What can I help you with?”

And here’s where Hyungwon fumbles a bit, watching his shoes instead of looking at the head hunter while he walks. He wasn’t expecting to feel so small before this man, and the feeling is amplified once he sits down and meets his gaze again. “I was- approached, last night, by one of your hunters. Claiming that they wanted to talk to me.”

“Mmhm. Would you happen to know which one?”

Hyungwon shakes his head. “No, they had their face covered, and a hat on. I gave them my phone number and they texted me this morning.”

“So, you’re saying they gave the location of this headquarters to you, over the phone, with no previous authorization?”

“I- I guess? If you didn’t, uh, authorize it, then I guess so.”

It’s clear this has gotten on the head hunter’s nerves. Hyungwon lets his gaze fall away from his face to the plaque sitting on the desk. _Son Hyunwoo, for 15 years of outstanding service to the International Hunter’s League_. He looks back up, associating the name with the face, associating 15 years of outstanding service with the face.

The head hunter, apparently Hyunwoo, sighs and leans back in his chair. “Alright, well. Did they say exactly what they wanted with you?”

“I- Okay, are you going to take immediate action on the things I tell you?” Hyungwon asks, remembering that he had some safety precautions he wanted to take. Ascertaining whether or not he’s going to get his ass locked up is one of them.

Hyunwoo shakes his head slowly. “No, not particularly. We’ve got things to do, other people to talk to, and apparently a hunter to reprimand. Unless you give us some vital information to our current main goals, we’ll most likely file it away and deal with it later.”

Hyungwon takes a deep breath, nodding. “Okay, okay. I- I’m… dating, I’m dating Shin Wonho. I’m sure you know who he is.”

Hyunwoo sucks in a breath. “Of course I know who he is. How did you go about this?”

“A long story that doesn’t really pertain to anything I want to ask you.” Hyungwon replies bluntly, and he wonders for a moment if he’s been too rude before Hyunwoo nods curtly in agreement, sitting upright in his chair.

“Alright, fair enough. What exactly do you want to ask me?”

“Well, first of all. I’m assuming that I was approached because of this affiliation with Wonho. Obviously, you don’t really know, as you apparently didn’t authorize it, but is there anything at large you can gain from talking to him? Or me?”

Hyunwoo seems to think for a moment, picking at his fingernails absently. “Well, there’s quite a lot we could learn from him, I believe. He’s been diplomatic all his life, never caused a feud or killed indiscriminately above the surface, so I assume he’s picked up a lot from other vampires and even humans. We’re working on helping the Seoul branch take out that nest they have up there, and Wonho probably knows _something_ that could help us.”

There’s silence, where Hyungwon thinks he should probably speak, but Hyunwoo does before he gets a chance. “There’s nothing worth approaching his, ah, boyfriend over, however. Completely unauthorized and uncalled for, I’d never bother with doing that. It’s a pressing matter, sure, but I doubt you know anything pertinent. If we wanted to talk to him, I’d arrange to go down and talk with him myself.”

“So you’re telling me I freaked the fuck out and cried for ten minutes over nothing?” Hyungwon blurts, deadpan.

“Yeah, basically. And, really, I can think of only one hunter that would have told you such vague shit, and especially at night, too? He’ll be receiving proper questioning and maybe punishment. And,” Hyunwoo stands, and Hyungwon finds him to be a lot taller than he was expecting, “if he has any questions that he wanted to ask you personally, he can ask them himself. I hope you have a good day, mister…”

“Oh, yeah. Hyungwon, my name is Hyungwon.”

Hyunwoo nods, smiling and stepping around his desk. “Yes, alright. Thank you for coming in even though it was almost pointless.” He offers a hand, and Hyungwon shakes it, giving him a smile in turn. Hyungwon is almost embarrassed to find that his hands are trembling, remnants of his earlier nervousness.

Hyungwon is escorted back to the surface by a hunter that Hyunwoo calls over and, really, Hyungwon feels like laying face down in the grass and never moving again. But he also feels like calling Wonho even though it’s the middle of the day and he’ll be asleep, and also feels like going back to sleep himself.

Hyungwon eventually does that last one first, curling up in bed and going to sleep. He thinks he dreams of kisses and blood, but he isn’t sure.

“So you’re telling me it was all an absolute waste of time?” Wonho asks, waiting for Hyungwon to settle against his side before he puts an arm around him.

“Yep. Apparently the dude that fucked with me is gonna get some kind of punishment for it, because he was acting on his own. But, whatever.” Hyungwon sighs, turning his head so he can breathe in Wonho’s scent, heavy cologne and a natural, warm smell. “I’m still scared, I think. This dude has my number now, and the head hunter told me that if he has personal questions, he might call me… ugh.”

Wonho tilts Hyungwon’s head up so he can kiss him, gentle but with that measure of roughness that he knows Hyungwon likes. “You’ll be fine, dear, we’ll be fine. I love you, and I’m very proud of you for not losing your shit in the middle of vampire hunter headquarters.”

“Oh, so am I. I was totally about to flip the fuck out.” Hyungwon leans against Wonho’s chest, pushing him further back into the couch. “But, I need to calm the fuck down, because you need to feed, right?”

“If you don’t feel up to it, dear, a few more days won’t hurt anything.” Wonho says, carding his hands through Hyungwon’s hair. “Don’t worry about me, worry about yourself.”

Hyungwon looks up at him, resting his chin on Wonho’s chest. “I think it would be about the only thing that could calm me down, now. Make me feel normal. I was around too many people today, it’s the weekend for god’s sake.”

Wonho smiles, all teeth. Nearby candlelight glints off of his fangs, and Hyungwon feels like this is the sort of evil looking picture they put on those anti-vampire brochures that he sees in the local stores sometimes. He almost laughs, because all he sees is beautiful perfection, pointy bits and all.

“Sometimes I think everything would be a lot easier if I wasn’t me.”

Hyungwon feels Wonho go still beside him, Hyungwon staring at the shadows cast by the candlelight, dancing on the ceiling. “What do you mean, dear?” Wonho asks eventually.

“If I wasn’t human, is what I mean.” Hyungwon says, not looking at Wonho. “Would you ever-”

“No.”

Hyungwon tries not to turn fussy, keeping his voice even. He asks, even though he knows mostly why. “Why not?”

“There are lots of reasons,” Wonho whispers, taking Hyungwon’s hand in his.

“Tell me them, then.” Hyungwon replies, turning his head then so his face is pressed against Wonho’s throat.

He hears Wonho suck in a breath, exhaling slowly, shakily. “I do not want to be the one to kill you. That’s the main reason, I believe, among lots of other things. I’m… I’m sure you realize, darling, but you wouldn’t be like I am. You would- you would be dead, you would have regrets.”

Wonho sounds so, so sad. Hyungwon kisses his neck. “However, a more selfish reason is that I enjoy having something of a feeder. Reliable, delicious, and lovable.” His voice lightens slightly, even as he holds Hyungwon closer. “I love you too much to kill you, Hyungwon.”

“I know you do,” Hyungwon mutters against Wonho’s skin. “I love you too.”

They fall asleep like that, though Hyungwon still feels something like childish anger sitting in his chest. He knew all of this already, but hearing Wonho say it just solidified it. He’ll never kill Hyungwon, ever.

It’s charming, in a way, a testament to how much Wonho loves him that he’d sacrifice the chance of keeping him forever just to see him alive and happy. Hyungwon can’t lie and say that he would be happy living as a turned vampire. He’s met some of Wonho’s more pathetic friends, seen their tired frames and gaunt faces, the way they sit so still across the table from him. He doesn’t want to be that and it’s not fair.

He puts it to rest and shifts in Wonho’s arms, feeling Wonho’s hold tighten as he does. Maybe this is alright, for now.


	3. desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (n.) a state of despair, one that typically results in rash or extreme behavior  
> (The only thing Kihyun has felt for the past year and a half.)
> 
> ([available in thai!](http://sweet-hwh.tumblr.com/post/137548589095/transfiction-desperation-monsta-x))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srry kihyun

Kihyun is no stranger to the chairs in the head hunter’s office. Whether it be for incident reports, slacking off in work, letting Kihyun’s… other matters overshadow his duties, he’s always in Hyunwoo’s office at least once a month.

This particular time, Hyunwoo doesn’t look happy, to a more serious degree than usual. He starts speaking before Kihyun even sits down. “So, I understand that you contacted someone with ties to the underground, without authorization, permission, or direct orders from me. Correct?”

There’s no point in denying it. “Yep.”

Hyunwoo takes a deep breath, brushing a hand through his hair. “Kihyun, I don’t have to ask why you did it. I know why. But there’s no point in chasing after people who had nothing to do with it trying to find out what happened.”

Kihyun flinches and tries his best not to show it. “And I told you when it happened that I’m not giving up until I do find out what happened.”

Hyunwoo looks at him evenly, blinking slowly. “Okay. Fair enough. But don’t endanger other people with this. Don’t endanger yourself.”

Kihyun’s heard this same line many times before in the past year and a half. He’s learned to nod and nothing else in response.

He is dismissed back to his desk work that he doesn’t do. He already has a stack of it sitting on the corner of his desk, reports from months of fruitless hunting trips and paperwork shirked to him from his fellow hunters. Used to, his friends would help him with it, but their kindness expired about seven months back.

Kihyun looks at the forms, blank and empty, dates stamped on the corner from tonight, last week, five months ago, a year ago. He leans over to rest his forehead on the stack and sighs.

A year and a half later and Kihyun still has Minhyuk’s number in his phone, saved as Hyukkie with a pizza emoji in the name. Kihyun is always holding out hope that one day Minhyuk will text him, call him, anything. That Minhyuk will let Kihyun know he’s okay.

Kihyun keeps the case file in his house, under special request that Hyunwoo fulfilled. He reads through it sometimes, even though he’s committed most of it to memory by now. Hunting partnership 6, Yoo Kihyun and Lee Minhyuk, became involved in a situation on the east side of town; more details enclosed.

A situation, alright. More than a situation, it was their first hunter loss in fifteen years, it was the loss of Kihyun’s best friend (arguably his everything), it was so much more than just a situation. Kihyun still has a blood-stained shirt hanging in his closet that he hasn’t worn since.

And yet, here he still is, scrolling through their past conversations about what kind of bread to get at the store and if Kihyun should pick up a movie while he’s out (Minhyuk replied yes, and if Kihyun remembers correctly, he got a horror movie that made Minhyuk paranoid for weeks).

When Kihyun’s vision swims, he has to turn off his display, tossing his phone onto the bed and then flopping onto it.

At least five people have told him in a not-so-gentle way to give it up and move on. He refuses.

So, he is reprimanded. Put on desk duty for a few weeks, leaving his current partner with another rookie. All the better for Kihyun's personal goals.

See, while he was hoping to be the one to catch this Hyungwon when he came in, and while it was Hyunwoo instead that got to talk to him, it doesn't really hurt Kihyun's plan. Not at all.

He knows that Hyungwon, or at least his shitty sucker boyfriend, knows something. He just has to find out what.

But, Kihyun realizes at three a.m. that he talks a big game and doesn’t really have anything to back it up. It’s not like aforementioned shitty sucker boyfriend goes above the surface ever, as nobody’s seen him outside of purposeful visits to his underground lair in almost two years. Shitty sucker boyfriend wouldn’t have had much of a chance to snatch Minhyuk, not to mention little to no motive- it’s not like a centuries old vampire is going to endanger his own safety, and potentially the safety of his precious Hyungwon, just for a snack or a message to HQ.

But still. Kihyun is determined to talk to one of these fuckers.

So, he texts Hyungwon, on a weekend, because Hyungwon previously informed him that _listen you motherfuck i have fucking class thru the week and ur rly gettin on my fuckin nerves stop texting me_. Hyungwon agrees, in a similar snippy manner, to meet up with Kihyun in a very public, very well-lit place. Annoying, but understandable. Hyungwon has his wits about him, at least.

Kihyun forgets for a moment that the last time he saw Hyungwon was in the dark with half his face covered. Hyungwon looks at him strangely when he approaches the booth he’s sitting in and slides in opposite him.

“Hi. My name’s Yoo Kihyun, I’m a hunter. Same one that talked to you last week.” Kihyun says blandly. He’s not going for friendly.

Neither is Hyungwon. “Ah, the shithead. Nice to meet you. What the hell do you want from me?”

Straight to the point. Admirable. “I’ve got some things to ask you, like I said. I’m-” Kihyun pauses to take a breath, looking away from Hyungwon’s scathing gaze. “I’m grasping at straws at this point. You’ve done nothing important besides date a vampire, and it’s easier to talk to you than it is to talk to him. Understand that you are a last resort, and… probably the last person I’ll ever ask about this.”

Hyungwon’s eyes seem to soften, but his words still carry an edge. “Alright, get on with it, then.”

Kihyun takes another deep breath. “I- I had a partner. His name was- is Lee Minhyuk. He… disappeared, a year and a half ago, we were on a hunting trip and he just… he was taken. There was blood. They never found his body and I’m still hoping he’s alive.”

It’s been a while since Kihyun has laid it all out like this, in plain words not coated with scorn and bitterness. Being reduced from knowing to hoping Minhyuk is alive- it _hurts_ , like Kihyun’s being cut to the bone.

Hyungwon’s eyes really soften this time. “Ah. That sounds like utter shit. I don’t know anything about hunting, not really, but… you guys must have been close, right? You’ve got to be close to do that sort of work with one another.” Kihyun nods in response, staying silent, and Hyungwon folds his arms behind his head. “Well. What are your questions for me, then?”

“Did you see anything fishy at all that you can recall from this time period? Missing persons reports, shady activity around where you live, etcetera… Anything?” It really strikes Kihyun how desperate he seems, but he established that early on. Still, he feels a twinge of shame.

Hyungwon seems to give it some actual, real thought, then shakes his head slowly. “No, it was… it was finals season and I was doped up on coffee and Cheez-Its. I had no time to really pay attention to anything besides my schoolwork and keeping my roommate alive. Sorry.”

Kihyun sighs, raking a hand through his hair. He hits something of a mental wall, then, previously having long lists of questions that he had crossed out over the months as unanswered or inconclusive. Now, he can’t remember anything that he wanted to ask beyond this, and it’s damn frustrating.

Hyungwon must notice Kihyun’s distress, because he sighs and drops his arms back to the table with a dull thud. “Wonho is more attentive than me on, I dunno, dramatic behind-the-scenes matters. He has lots of friends in lots of places and someone might know something. I can ask him and I’ll get back to you.” He doesn’t give Kihyun a chance to reply, pushing on. “Now, let me buy you lunch.”

Kihyun wants to protest, but really, he’s grateful. He was secretly hoping from the start that Hyungwon would offer to talk to Wonho for him, because Kihyun’s not going to lie- the thought of being alone with a vampire, even on the barest of business terms, scares the shit out of him. He would basically be going against everything he was taught in his four years of university and subsequent two years in training, and he’s not ready to do that just yet.

Kihyun also wants to thank Hyungwon. He doesn’t get around to it until four in the morning, when he’s about to leave HQ, having finished a sizable amount of his paperwork for once.

_thanks shithead_


	4. inquisitiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (n.) given to inquiry, research, or seeking knowledge.  
> (A necessary thing to get to the bottom of this.)
> 
> ([available in thai!](http://sweet-hwh.tumblr.com/post/137805441025/transfiction-inquistiveness-monstax))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so when i thought "lets name all these fics after emotions/states of being" i didnt realize it would end up being so difficult and now i hate myself  
> i'll rewrite this fic one day. maybe i'll cut out the emotions/states of being thing. rip me

"Who the fuck are you?”

Wonho raises his eyebrows and tilts his head, smiling in a sort of _are you shitting me?_ way. “Who am I?” He repeats, and then takes a deep breath. “I suppose those of you up north don’t know about me, or whatever. I’m Shin Wonho, and I’d thank you to let me through.”

The vampire guarding the door to the nest house curls up his nose in response. “Don’t recognize the name. Boss didn’t have an appointment with you or I’d know.”

“Some things don’t require appointments, dear.” Wonho says politely, and the vampire sighs.

“I’ll go in and see what Boss says. Stay out here.”

Wonho nods in agreement, watching as the vampire disappears inside the large mansion, which Wonho knows is just a front for the actual dwelling of the nest below ground. The born vampires part of the nest may visit above ground, but powerful vampires like the head of this nest would never, not anymore. Truth be told, Wonho feels rather strange aboveground after nearly a year of not surfacing for much of anything, Hyungwon and other friends or acquaintances always coming to him rather than the other way around.

Wonho looks at the facade of the building, high marbled arches stretching above his head. He wonders how much money that cost, if the head of the nest had it commissioned or if it was already here, how long it’s been here. These all seem like good questions to ask once Wonho’s not here on such official business.

Hyungwon told Wonho yesterday night about Hyungwon’s newfound rogue hunter friend and asked if Wonho had a way of finding out anything pertaining to Kihyun’s case. Wonho does, in fact, as he’s a long time friend of this nest’s leader. Their friendship dwindled off into nothing about fifty years back, no contact made from either of them, and Wonho was content to leave it that way. It’s not good to scramble around for connections when you’re a powerful vampire, like he and this leader are. It’s better to drift through life, in the end, until you meet some sort of timely death at the hands of someone else or yourself.

Wonho is pulled out of his thoughts by the large oak door opening again, the same vampire from before poking his head out.

“Boss says it’s cool, come on in.”

The mansion is even more stunning on the inside, and Wonho must have underestimated the size of this nest, as there’s quite a number of vampires sitting around the living room that he’s lead into. They’re all born, Wonho can tell by the heartbeats murmuring around the room, and they look at him curiously. They know Wonho is born as well, and they’re probably all wondering what business he has here.

He shoots them a kind smile and sees some of them blush, women and men alike. Always flattering.

The vampire leads Wonho out of the room and into what seems to be a parlor. It reminds Wonho of houses from long, long ago, things he saw overseas. He’s definitely seen a copy of the painting over the fireplace mantle before.

The vampire pulls at the rug beneath Wonho’s feet and manages to slide Wonho himself across the floor before Wonho steps off with a muttered apology. The vampire ignores it and tosses the rug aside to reveal a trap door beneath, set into the hardwood. Of course.

Wonho wonders briefly why the rug was put back into place if the guard had checked with the nest leader, but decides to ignore it.

Wonho’s guide flips up the door with little trouble and gestures for Wonho to go first. Wonho sees that there’s a ladder but drops into the darkness himself anyway, landing lightly and stuffing his hands into his pockets while he waits for his guide to descend as well. His eyes adjust easily to the pure darkness and he sees the form of the guard disappear down the hall.

“Sir, if you don’t mind me asking,” Wonho says, hurrying to catch up, “what’s your name?”

“Me?” The vampire ahead of him asks for clarification. Wonho’s affirmative noise echoes in the hall. “Soonyoung. What’s it to you?”

“Ah, nothing. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve seen Seungcheol, I’m trying to see who he’s got now.” Wonho pats his hands against his legs absently, looking around the drab hall. The underground decor certainly falls short.

The hall eventually opens up into a large room with significantly more class, full bookshelves stretching to the high ceiling and rug sitting beneath the furniture ensemble sitting in the middle of the room. Wonho is, for once, less interested in the decor and more on the people in the room.

He sees Seungcheol first, hair no longer silver but black once again, eyes still tired and features still soft. Seungcheol rises as Wonho approaches, a smile coming to his face, and he brings Wonho into a warm hug.

“Wonho,” Seungcheol says, and he somehow sounds more mature, no longer the vampire Wonho knew him as but still all the same. “It’s nice to see you, what brings you by?”

“I’ve got some business with you, actually, can we- can we speak alone?” Wonho asks, casting what he hopes to be a kind but pleading look to the few vampires sitting around the room.

Seungcheol makes a gesture for them to rise and leave and they comply, filing out quickly. Seungcheol then sits back down on the couch, Wonho joining him and turning to face him. “What is your business, Wonho?”

“I have… I have a boyfriend, Hyungwon, and he was recently approached by a hunter seeking… I’m not sure what, exactly.” Wonho scratches the back of his neck, thinking back on what Hyungwon told him. “Apparently his partner was- most likely killed, possibly turned, and he’s looking for answers. Hyungwon has none, so he asked me if I had any contacts that could help and, well.”

“Well, how far up did they patrol? Someone I know might have had something to do with it.” Seungcheol settles back into the couch, setting his perpetually sleepy gaze on Wonho.

“I have no clue. They’re based further south, out of Gwangju I believe, but you never know.”

“And the names of these hunters?”

“Yoo Kihyun is the for-certain alive one, and Lee Minhyuk is the probably-dead one.”

Seungcheol’s face scrunches for a moment before his mouth falls open slightly, nodding. “The names are familiar, I truly do think I’ve at least heard of it before… maybe an incident down south that I caught wind of. I’ll definitely contact you if I find out anything. But…” Seungcheol’s mouth quirks up on one side. “Boyfriend, hm?”

Wonho can’t help but smile, feeling warm all over. “Yes, boyfriend. He’s- ah, he’s human.”

“I figured as much, only you would go so soft and gooey for a human.” Seungcheol sits up proper, turning to mirror Wonho’s position. “How did you meet?”

Wonho sighs, wistful. “I… I saw him, one night, walking home from college. He’s so beautiful, Seungcheol, even if I showed you a picture of him you wouldn’t understand how beautiful he is to me. I didn’t- I really don’t know what the hell I was doing. I watched him for weeks and pulled him into an alleyway in the end, telling him I had an idea. I don’t know if he was just scared, but he agreed… then he actually liked me and we were friends, then lovers.”

Seungcheol smiles. “How sweet. I’m glad you found someone. But, if you came all the way up here, you’re going to need ample time to get back before dawn. Is your phone number the same, in case I need to call?”

“Oh, heavens no, I’ve moved twice since then. Here.” Wonho pauses to dig in his pockets, miraculously finding a pen and then fumbling for paper before simply grabbing Seungcheol’s hand and writing his cell phone number on the back. “Call me if you find anything, or if you just want to chat.”

Seungcheol nods, reading over the number. “Alright. Will do. It was nice seeing you, Wonho.”

Wonho wakes up to his phone ringing, and he considers ignoring it until he remembers that it could very well be Seungcheol. So, thus, he props himself up on one elbow and reaches across Hyungwon for his phone, answering it and saying hello in a hushed tone.

“Ah, Wonho?” comes Seungcheol’s voice from the other side. “I’m sorry, I know you were probably asleep, I myself was, but… I’ve got some very important information.”

“It’s fine. What is it?”

“I have some connections that live close to you, Jihoon and his little… annex, if you will, of my nest. He recently had an incident where he had to have one of his nest members, ah, taken care of, for reckless behavior.”

Wonho knows that ‘taken care of’ means ‘dismembered and set alight’. “Uh-huh. What else?”

“I was getting to it. The reckless behavior was an attempt to start his own nest, or at least make some friends. That, of course, involved many attempted turnings, only three of which were successful… Jihoon took them all in to ensure they didn’t cause unnecessary slaughter and he believes that one of them might be the Minhyuk you seek.”

Wonho takes a deep breath, nodding though Seungcheol can’t see it. “Alright, alright. How- How soon can we be sure of this?”

“I gave Jihoon your number when he called me, I literally just got off the phone with him… I don’t know why it was necessary to call me at 6 AM. But, anyway, he said he’ll call you at a more appropriate time to set things up… he also said that it would ultimately be up to Minhyuk whether or not he decides to reconnect.”

“Well, of course. I’m sure that would be hard, in particular, facing your hunting partner after getting killed and turned. So sad, I hope the poor kid’s alright.”

“Yes, well. I’ll let both of us go back to sleep, have a good day, Wonho.”

“Same to you.”

Wonho keeps the phone up to his face for a bit, warm against his skin, before sighing. Hyungwon shifts at his side, foot rubbing at one of Wonho’s ankles.

“Who were you talking to?” Hyungwon mumbles, obviously just awake enough to speak.

Wonho runs a hand through Hyungwon’s hair, smiling when Hyungwon turns to nuzzle his face into his palm. “It was Seungcheol, the head of the large nest in Seoul. I went to see him a week ago, I told you all about it.”

“Mmm, yeah. Did he find out something?”

“Definitely. We’ll learn more soon, but we think we’ve found Minhyuk.” Then, Wonho adds, “Don’t say anything to Kihyun, not yet. We don’t know for sure or not. But… maybe ask for a picture of Minhyuk? Just in case. We can make sure.”

Hyungwon nods, then drifts back to sleep. Wonho doubts that Hyungwon will remember any of this conversation, but he doesn’t mind repeating himself.

Within a couple minutes of having met Lee Jihoon, Wonho can tell that he is: one, perhaps the shortest person he’s ever met in his life; two, perhaps the most energetic person he’s ever met in his life; and three, something of a proud parent when it comes to his nest children.

This, of course, includes Jihoon putting his hands on the cheeks of every vampire in his vicinity and yelling their name victoriously to Wonho by way of greeting. It’s strange, but Jihoon’s happiness is infectious and leaves Wonho smiling.

“I- I really hate to interrupt,” Wonho says politely, while Jihoon is smooshing a vampire introduced as Seokmin’s face between his hands, “but I was here on business, and-”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Jihoon cuts in, freeing Seokmin from his overzealous grip and gesturing for Wonho to follow him. “Minhyuk sleeps a lot, even at night. But he’s real smiley, he fits right in here. Whatever, I talk too much, come on.”

Wonho agrees with that last bit silently, following Jihoon up the stairs and down one of the upper halls. This house is much less impressive than the main nest house in Seoul, seeming more a residential house and thus a better fit around this area. Or, maybe, Jihoon just doesn’t have an eye for pre-21st-century decor.

They stop in front of a door at the end of the hall and Jihoon knocks on it, putting his face close to the door and saying, “Minhyuk, people have been looking for you! Are you in the mood to talk?”

A reply comes: “I- I guess, sure.”

Jihoon opens the door and steps in, Wonho close behind. His eyes meet the eyes of the vampire sitting on the bed.

Minhyuk gasps. “Holy shit, you’re Wonho, right? I’ve- we- _they_ have a thick case file on you, I was the one in charge of updating it.”

Wonho smiles, but notices the deliberate separation of Minhyuk from his previous occupation. It twinges at Wonho’s heart, slightly. “I hope you did a good job of it. How are you, Minhyuk?”

Minhyuk looks down at his hands, pale and with unused veins sitting stale and blue beneath his skin. He picks at a loose thread on his blanket. “I- I’m fine, I guess. Jihoon’s helped me a lot, it was worse… I’m fine.”

“Indeed,” Jihoon says, coming to pat the top of Minhyuk’s head. “He used to cry a lot, pathetic, wasting all the hard work I put in to keep him from killing people. Now look at him, healthy, radiant! All because of me.” Jihoon pretends to wipe a tear from his eye and Minhyuk smiles at him.

“I mean, he’s not wrong,” Minhyuk says, looking at Wonho again. “Who’s looking for me? Or, I guess I don’t really have to ask.”

Wonho nods. “He’s in danger of losing his job,” he says quietly, and Minhyuk sighs.

“All because of me. How awful. I don’t- I don’t know if I want to see him or not,” he says suddenly, eyes falling back to his hands. “What if I hurt him, I- I couldn’t handle that, I’m…”

“Don’t worry,” Wonho says, and Jihoon apparently takes that as his cue to step out, slipping past Wonho and shutting the door behind him. “I believe that you have the proper measure of self-control to allow a meeting with a human. Provided you’ve been feeding regularly enough for a young vampire and, more importantly, believe in your own ability to control yourself… you can do it.”

Minhyuk takes a shaky breath, possibly out of habit. “Do you really think so?”

Wonho nods, coming to sit on the bed. He sees tears in Minhyuk’s eyes, and reaches over to wipe them almost on reflex. “Kihyun has missed you, so much. He’s going to be so happy.”

“Oh my god, I just- god, you’ve got to understand, I didn’t… I was just… ashamed, I was ashamed.” Minhyuk brings his hands to his face, pressing his fingertips against closed lids. “I graduated top of my class from the hunter academy and I was ashamed that I got k- _killed_.”

“You don’t have to explain to me,” Wonho says quietly. “I think Kihyun is the one that needs to be told. He’s no doubt been waiting, hoping, for ages.”

“I feel so bad,” Minhyuk whispers, keeping his hands over his face. “I didn’t contact him because I was afraid of what he’d think, I just- I wanted to move on. I miss him so much but I wanted to move on.”

“I can’t say I understand perfectly, but I see why. It’s hard to pretend that everything is okay when something like this has happened, right?”

Minhyuk nods, and when he moves his hands away from his face, his fingertips are coated in blood. “Ugh, I hate this,” he mumbles as he wipes his hands on his pants, leaving red smears.

“It gets easier,” Wonho says, smiling when Minhyuk looks up at him. “I’ll be in touch, Minhyuk, hopefully within the week. Kihyun has a schedule, you know, and he’s on thin ice with the head hunter as is.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know how tough Hyunwoo can be… I understand. I think I need time to prepare myself, anyway.” Minhyuk sighs again, leaning back so his head is resting against the wall. “Thank you, Wonho, I- thank you.”

Wonho stands, feeling a bit awkward. “I hate to seem like I’m rushing off, but you know-”

“Dawn and all,” Minhyuk finishes with a smile, and Wonho nods in agreement.

“Indeed, dawn and all. Stay safe and healthy, Minhyuk.”

“You too, man.”

Wonho exits without too much more excitement and thanks Jihoon on his way out, hurrying away before Jihoon can stop him and engage in conversation for hours longer. Wonho really wasn't lying, he has to get back before the sun even gets close to rising or he could end up in a very bad position, sick for weeks and with a nasty sunburn or worse. 

He ponders what finding Minhyuk means for everyone as a whole while he heads down the street, snuggling down into his coat. No doubt, Kihyun will be ecstatic, but this also means that he and Minhyuk both will have to deal with moving forward- or on, if they should choose so. Wonho can't imagine the pain that must bring, choosing to hold onto your best friend no matter how different he may be now, or part ways and keep your now-separated lives as such.

Wonho sighs. He hopes everything will be okay.


	5. conflicted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (a.) having or showing confused and inconsistent feelings  
> (Kihyun doesn't know what he should feel right now.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kihyuk chapters r always so short. sorry my dudes

Kihyun wakes up to his phone ringing and answers it on reflex. “What,” he says, deadpan.

“Wow, good morning sunshine,” comes Hyungwon’s voice from the other end. “I’ve got some neat news.”

“What.”

“Well, guess who we found!” Hyungwon’s voice lifts up with maybe-fake glee. “My boyfriend found your boyfriend. We’re requesting proper payment, by the way.”

Kihyun’s half-asleep mind takes some moments to process this, sluggishly moving through the words and information. Then his heart lurches. “Wait, you- you-”

“Yes, we. We found Minhyuk.”

Kihyun can’t help the pitiful sob that escapes his mouth, raking a hand through his messy hair. “Oh my god, oh my god, really? Really, you’re not shitting me?”

“Yes, really, if you don’t believe me you can talk to Wonho tonight, since he was the one that went to see him.”

“Holy shit, holy _fucking_ shit. Is he okay, is he safe- is he _alive_?”

“Yes, yes, and kiiiiind of.”

Kihyun stops breathing for a moment. “So that- that means, he’s… he- oh my god.”

“Come on, sunshine, no time for crying. He wants to see you soon, and if you’re cool with it, Wonho would like to come along just in case someone tries to jump you.” There’s a shifting from Hyungwon’s end, along with what seems to be the creaking of bed springs. “Don’t bother asking me this and that, Wonho didn’t tell me everything, just that he wasn’t dead and where he found him. But, I’ve got class to get to, so.” Further creaking, footsteps. “I’m glad he’s not dead, Kihyun. Hope you are too. See you soon, man, don’t cry your eyes out.”

Kihyun doesn’t get a chance to say bye before Hyungwon hangs up, too numb to say anything else. Minhyuk isn’t dead- and if he isn’t, that means he’s been turned.

Kihyun sobs again, then, phone falling from his hands and hitting his knee sharply. He barely registers the pain, covering his face with his hands and practically wailing into them. _Minhyuk is alive. This hasn’t all been a waste of time. I have so much to ask him, so much to tell him, oh my_ god _._

Kihyun thinks past all this that he has a patrol in two hours and he should probably be getting an extra hour or so of sleep, but he just can’t stop crying. He’s equal parts relieved and afraid, scared of how Minhyuk will view him now, if he wants to be friends, how he will react- how Kihyun himself will react, seeing Minhyuk’s skin pale and cold, just like the things he’s been killing for the past four years.

Kihyun wipes his eyes with his sleeves, feeling hopeless still despite it all.

There is such a wide gap between turned vampires and born vampires. Not that Kihyun didn’t already know that, but seeing Wonho’s cheeks full of color and feeling warmth when Wonho accidentally bumps into him really drives it home.

Kihyun is, for all it’s worth, excited. But, he still has to think rationally. “How much of a risk is this?” He asks Wonho, looking to where the vampire walks beside him, framed in early-evening light.

Wonho licks his lips, thoughtful. “Not much. Minhyuk is well-fed, under control according to Jihoon, so I don’t think there’s any risk, really. But a vampire is still a vampire, you know.”

Kihyun nods, returning his gaze to the sidewalk beneath their feet. “This feels really strange,” Kihyun says, mostly to himself, but he knows Wonho heard. “Walking with a vampire, on my way to meet up with a vampire who lives with other vampires. I’m pretty sure this is a scenario I was given in textbooks during academy where I was supposed to point out mistakes.”

“So, point out your own mistakes. In the end, love for one another surpasses what you eat and what hours of the day you operate in, Kihyun.”

Kihyun stays quiet after that, mulling over the words in his head. They make sense, really, but it’s forcing Kihyun to bypass everything he’s been taught and he hates it.

No matter how alive Wonho may be, Kihyun still jumps away when Wonho is forced closer to him by a pedestrian going the opposite way. He sees the curious look in Wonho’s eyes when they return to their previous formation, and he thinks that Wonho probably thinks this is funny, or something. Mostly because that’s not a habit born out of instinct- it’s fear, and Wonho seems about as dangerous as a butterfly.

But, as Wonho himself said earlier, a vampire is a vampire. And maybe Kihyun should stop thinking in circles just to justify himself.

They reach the indicated house within a few more minutes and Wonho knocks on the door, casting what Kihyun thinks to be a reassuring look over his shoulder. The door creaks open to reveal a short man, wide smile plastered to his face, revealing sharp teeth. Of course.

Just the sight is enough to send shivers down Kihyun’s spine and it’s then that he realizes that no matter what, despite the affirmation that Minhyuk is still Minhyuk, he’s going to be scared of him. It hurts, slightly.

It’s clear that the short man, revealed to be the nest leader (Kihyun didn’t even know there was a nest outside of Gwangju), knows that Kihyun is nervous and does his best to herd him away from the rest of the nest and upstairs as quickly as possible. He speaks little, possibly aware of the situation, but does introduce himself as Jihoon before he knocks on one of the doors lining the upper hall.

Kihyun’s heart is beating so hard that he thinks this might be the beginning of cardiac arrest. He almost wishes he was comfortable enough to hold Wonho’s hand for strength.

Somehow, Kihyun was expecting more ceremony about it, but the door opens and there is Minhyuk.

Kihyun’s earlier concerns about being scared of Minhyuk blow out the window and he can’t stop himself from taking the extra couple steps between them and throwing his arms around him, burying his face in Minhyuk’s shoulder. Minhyuk stays still for a moment before holding Kihyun maybe a little too tight.

Kihyun feels the last year and a half crash down on him, days spent without sleep reading over papers, interviewing people on his own, all the points he’s racked up towards him being relieved of his duties permanently- all of it’s come down to this, to his best friend, his world, his everything, cold in his arms but still alive.

“Ah, god, I’m sorry,” Minhyuk says suddenly, pulling away and wiping at his eyes. There is red smeared under Minhyuk’s eyes and Kihyun realizes that it’s blood, and that it’s probably on his shirt, now. Minhyuk wipes the blood off his hands and then comes to touch Kihyun’s face, thumbs wiping Kihyun’s own tears away, hands chilly and shaking. “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry, I can’t- I can’t say it enough, I’m so fucking sorry.”

Kihyun shakes his head, laying his hands over Minhyuk’s. “No, no, you don’t have to apologize, it wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault, or mine.”

It’s so strange to see round drops of blood rolling out of Minhyuk’s eyes, leaving pink streaks as they drip off his chin and onto his shirt. Kihyun wants to wipe it away but at the same time doesn’t want to touch it, at all, because that’s not even Minhyuk’s blood. It’s the blood of someone else, blood that Minhyuk took and drank. The thought is so startling.

Kihyun pushes the thought away because he can’t handle it right now. He’s sure Minhyuk is terrified of Kihyun hating him just because of what he is now, and Kihyun is determined to not let himself do that. “I have so much to tell you,” Kihyun whispers, voice coming out choked. “So much to ask.”

“Okay, okay. Come sit, then.” Minhyuk drops his hands away from Kihyun’s face, instead holding his hand and pulling him inside.

“I’ll stand out here,” Wonho pipes up suddenly. Kihyun had forgotten he was there. “I want to give you some privacy, but I’ll stay close in case something… you know.”

Kihyun does know, and he nods. “Thank you. For everything, really, thank you.”

Wonho smiles, showing no teeth. “It’s not a problem.”

Wonho shuts the door himself. Kihyun feels like this is something he learned in academy, not to be alone with a vampire, not to be the only human in a house full of vampires. It spells disaster.

And yet- “I want you to know that I never stopped looking,” Kihyun says as soon as he sits down on Minhyuk’s bed, facing Minhyuk. “I never stopped trying to find you, I- after the six month mark everyone wrote you off as dead, there’s- there’s a memorial stone outside HQ, with all the others.”

“I guess it’s not that far off,” Minhyuk says, taking Kihyun’s other hand in his as well. “I’m dead to them. I- I know what you’re probably going to ask, Kihyun, about- about me not contacting you, you have to understand. I just… I wanted to… I don’t know. I was mad at myself for being stupid and mad at everything for letting this happen to me and I didn’t want to talk to you while I was like that. I was ashamed.”

It makes sense. Kihyun nods. “Well, when you go through four years of academy and two years of field training and you still fuck up that bad, I guess it’s pretty much a dishonor, right? That’s what everyone told me at HQ, basically.”

Minhyuk wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, silent for a moment, almost thoughtful. “Do you hate me, Kihyun?”

“No,” Kihyun answers immediately, feeling all the emotions he’d tried to ignore to keep himself sane rising to the surface. “No, no Minhyuk, I- you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I still want, I can’t hate you.” Kihyun plunges forward before he can think about what he’s saying and stop himself, because now is not the time. “Even though you’re- you’re like this, now, I still love you, so much. I love you more than anything.”

Minhyuk makes a face Kihyun has seen a hundred times before, his I’m-trying-not-to-cry face. He fails with a shaky exhale, soaking up tears before they can stain his cheeks. “I love you too, Kihyun, so damn much, I- I kept thinking, in those first few days after I was t-turned, that I… I never told you, I never told you how much you mean to me and it broke my heart. I thought that I’d never get to tell you and I missed my chance, I had almost two years to do it.”

“Me too, that’s something I thought about a lot, I- I felt so bad, I had so much that I wanted to tell you and I never did. Here.” Kihyun pulls his hands free, holding his arms out. Minhyuk scoots closer and leans against Kihyun, resting his head in the crook of Kihyun’s neck. It’s somewhat awkward, their knees pressing together almost painfully, so Kihyun decides to lay back and take Minhyuk with him.

Minhyuk laughs as he does and it’s still the same, high and precious. It pulls at Kihyun’s heart so awfully. “You said you had a lot to say to me,” Minhyuk says, puffs of air hitting Kihyun’s skin as he speaks. “So, what else?”

“I-I guess I already said it all. That was a lot, you know.” Kihyun can almost feel himself blushing, embarrassment catching up with him.

“Still cute as always,” Minhyuk remarks, tilting his head up so he can kiss Kihyun’s warm cheek. Kihyun whines in the back of his throat, reaching up to push Minhyuk’s face away gently. “Watch the fingers, Hyunnie, I bite now.”

“Ah, that’s right. Like a little dog.” Kihyun says, teasing, and Minhyuk sticks his tongue out at him.

Minhyuk shifts to lay his head on Kihyun’s chest, draping an arm over his midsection. “What are we going to do now?” He asks, voice small.

“We’re going to be the same as ever despite it all,” Kihyun replies, hand coming to pet Minhyuk’s hair. “I didn’t lose like, a year’s worth of sleep for this to be for nothing.”

Minhyuk laughs. “True, true. I… I think I’ll stay here, at least for now. We’ll stay in touch, right?”

“Of course.” Then, “I’m not lying when I say I love you more than anything. I never want to lose you again.”

“Any other time I would say that this is unreasonably sappy and that you should quit,” Minhyuk says, a laugh carrying on his voice. “Thank you,” he continues, voice growing serious, “for not giving up.”

“I never even considered giving up.” Kihyun whispers, then decides to change the topic, otherwise he’s going to cry. “So, uh, is this- is this weird for you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, you’re laying there, like… listening to my heartbeat, right? Doesn’t that, you know…” Kihyun makes some vague gestures, and Minhyuk snorts.

“I ate before you came, so no, it doesn’t ‘you know’. But, it sounds very nice.” Minhyuk nuzzles his face into Kihyun’s chest, inhaling. “Smells very nice, too. Ten out of ten, I’d eat you.”

Kihyun laughs though he feels a twinge of discomfort. “Nice to know. I volunteer for, uh, emergency resource.”

“Like that can of soup you keep in the back of the cabinets,” Minhyuk says, sitting up with almost startling fluidity. Kihyun forgot about that for a few moments. “Did you ever eat that?”

“I did, actually, when I was too strung out to get dressed and go to the store. I ate all the soup and the crackers. And I tried to make rice once, spilled the bag, and sat in the floor crying for ten minutes.”

“Fucking amazing. I hope you cleaned it up.”

Kihyun sits up too, smile on his face. “There’s still some under the fridge.”

“Gross. Hey, do you wanna hear where my heartbeat used to be?”

Kihyun catches a chill from that, feeling that if he did, that would truly seal it. Not like everything else doesn’t already, but hearing absence in Minhyuk’s chest… he can’t imagine.

He nods and bends slightly, pressing his ear to Minhyuk’s chest, and indeed. Nothing. Nothing but coldness seeping through Minhyuk’s clothes and the gentle wheeze of what’s got to be habitual breathing.

And, yes, “I still breathe sometimes, it’s- it’s a real hard habit to break, I think. I mean, you know you don’t need it, there’s no reason for you to, but it’s kind of calming. Like I’m tricking myself into thinking I’m still alive.”

Kihyun keeps the side of his face against Minhyuk’s chest, putting his arms around his waist. “I think I might love you more, now, just because I almost lost you forever.”

“Even though I’m like… a living corpse?”

“As long as you still make bad cat puns and don’t bite me.”

“Oh, the bad cat puns are forever. Is it too late for me to request for something to be put on my memorial stone? Because I want a bad cat pun on there.”


	6. unease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (n.) a feeling of anxiety or discontent  
> (Something Hyungwon's subconscious isn't letting go.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> great googly moogly it's all gone to shit  
> enjoy the Fuck House

Hyungwon’s hands are shaking so much that he can’t open his water bottle, but yet he is still not the one flipping his shit.

“Kihyun,” Hyungwon says after long moments of Kihyun spent muttering to himself, hands on either side of his head. “Would you shut the hell up? It’s nothing.”

“Nothing-” Kihyun repeats, looking particularly flustered, “It damn sure is something! It’s-”

“I knew it was a risk. I’m not hurt.”

Kihyun falls silent, then, “Okay. At least let me drive you home. Please.”

Hyungwon sighs. “Fine.”

Truth be told, it certainly was something. Hyungwon wanted to meet Minhyuk, just once, to see the fruits of his and Wonho’s efforts right before his eyes. And what did his unwavering kindness get him but dark bruises on his wrists and unshed tears in his eyes?

“Seriously,” Hyungwon says once he notices that Kihyun still looks pale as a damn ghost. “I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry,” Kihyun blurts, ushering Hyungwon towards his car.

“It’s not your place to apologize. He’s not your child, Kihyun.” Hyungwon says briskly, covering up his unease with a sharp tone. “Just… whatever. It’s whatever.”

It’s not whatever and they both know it, but Hyungwon keeps himself together until he’s in his apartment. He snatches the comforter off his bed and wraps it around him, curling up on his couch and staring at the TV although it’s currently off.

Hyungwon has only ever been around two vampires in his whole life, Wonho and Minkyun. Wonho is always calm, level-headed, careful at all times in regards to Hyungwon. Minkyun used to be very frazzled and almost unsettling to look at, starved to the brink of madness, but in recent times he, too, is calm and careful not to startle Hyungwon (probably for Wonho’s sake).

But this, the ferocity with which Minhyuk leapt for him, fingernails digging into Hyungwon’s skin before he could get away, Wonho hauling him off to a back room with instructions for Kihyun to take Hyungwon home… Hyungwon closes his eyes and presses cold fingertips to the lids.

He was supposed to be stable, Kihyun kept saying. Hyungwon knows enough about vampires to know that stability is never guaranteed. He’s trying his very hardest to squash down his anxiety, his pure fear, because he’s safe in his own home, now. And, besides, if Minhyuk had hurt him any worse, he’s certain that Wonho would have, most likely, killed him on the spot.

Even that thought is unsettling, now, imagining Wonho ripping Minhyuk’s head from his shoulders. Hyungwon resolves to stop thinking.

Hyungwon waits until the sun sets the following day and then calls Wonho.

“Hey,” Hyungwon says, and Wonho seems to sigh in relief.

“Hello, dear, are you- are you okay?”

“No,” Hyungwon replies. “I don’t want to leave my house but I want to be with you. Do you think you could come over for a couple hours?”

“Oh, certainly, as long as you still live in the same place. I’ll be over soon.” A brief pause. “I love you Hyungwon, so, so much.”

“I love you too,” Hyungwon says, suddenly feeling very tearful. He keeps his phone in his hands even after Wonho hangs up, eyes travelling to the purple smudges on the inside of his wrists, in the shape of Minhyuk’s fingers.

Despite everything, he feels… concerned, almost. Concerned that Minhyuk will hate himself for it when he’s still so new, unreliable. He makes a mental note to have Kihyun tell him that it’s fine, that Hyungwon forgives him even before Minhyuk apologizes.

Wonho is over within the hour, of course, letting himself into the apartment because he still has a key. Hyungwon doesn’t look his way when he walks in, only meeting his eyes when Wonho stoops in front of the couch.

“Sweetest,” Wonho whispers, “you don’t look so well.”

“I don’t feel so well either,” Hyungwon replies, rubbing his eyes. Wonho reaches for his hands and Hyungwon has to fight down the urge to yank them back, because Wonho is not going to hurt him. This is one of the many times that Hyungwon is glad Wonho is not turned, because Hyungwon doesn’t know if he’d be able to handle cold hands on him right now.

“Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” Wonho asks, fingers closing around Hyungwon’s hands softly.

“Hold me, I’m cold.” Hyungwon says, moving out of the way so Wonho can sit on the warm section of the couch. Wonho does so, pulling Hyungwon into his lap and holding him close.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Wonho asks quietly.

“There’s nothing to talk about, really,” Hyungwon replies, pressing his ear against Wonho’s chest just so he can hear his heartbeat. It’s still there, sluggish and odd-sounding, but there. “I mean… sure, it was jarring, to say the least. I’m… more worried about him.”

“Certainly. I told Kihyun to tell him not to blame himself.” Wonho sighs, kissing the top of Hyungwon’s head. “I’m sure he will be fine. I’m more worried about you.”

“I’ll be fine too,” Hyungwon assures, taking a deep breath. “Just fine. Is it cool if I sleep on you?”

“Of course.”

“Woah, what’s this?” Dasom (Hyungwon’s long-time study partner) asks, taking Hyungwon’s wrist in her hands gingerly and turning it towards the light. “Did the bondage get too intense?”

“Oh yes, definitely,” Hyungwon replies. Dasom grins. “No, it’s… it’s nothing, really.”

Dasom squints at him then, taking his other wrist and looking at it as well. “Did you get into a fight or something?”

“... Something like that, sure.” Hyungwon shakes his head, pulling his hands free of her grasp. “Sorry, I just… don’t feel very well.”

“You could have skipped, like you have the past… five fuckin’ weeks.” Dasom says, but she’s entirely joking. She unzips her bookbag and dumps her books on the table, then rests her elbows on them. “What’s up?”

Hyungwon is silent for a moment, intending to answer but carefully piecing together what he wants (and can) say. Of course, he has to omit everything about the vampires, because even though the general public are decently educated about them he knows that Dasom would, most likely, try her damndest to report it to one of the aboveground vampire authorities, separate from the local hunter guild. This is one time where it’s a good thing Hyungwon has known Dasom for nearly three years, he can predict ahead of time how she will react.

“My… boyfriend, and I, we were helping someone through some… things. And they got a little volatile.” Hyungwon shrugs dismissively. “It’s fine. I don’t hold it against them.”

Dasom simply nods, because she’s known about Wonho for months, just not enough to matter. “I see. Well… keep yourself safe, man, uh… text me any time if something comes up. Now, do you want to skip or not? It’s not too late, you can go home.”

Hyungwon stares at his own books, sitting unopened on the table. Then, he flips open his biology textbook. “Fuck it. I’m alone too much.”

“That’s the spirit,” Dasom says brightly, sliding her own biology textbook over. “Let’s have fun reading about the functions of DNA.”

“Sure.”

Hyungwon finally gathers the courage to venture out of his house at night nearly a week after the incident. The bruises on his wrists are turning brown and fading.

He’s heading for the alleyway, with the intention to drop by Wonho’s place because, while around a week with no feeding isn’t anything to a two-hundred year old vampire, Hyungwon still feels like he’s letting him down. Plus, he sort of misses it, the only things dotting his neck being old scars.

As he’s walking, however, he sees a familiar form up ahead and realizes a little too late that it’s Minhyuk, shoulders slumped and messy blonde hair sticking every which way. Hyungwon takes a deep breath and calls, “Sup, my dude!”

Minhyuk whirls around and his eyes grow wide. “Oh, Hyungwon, I- h-hi, I’m- I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” Hyungwon says nonchalantly, but he doesn’t step any closer. Like that would help. “Are you doing okay?”

“I- god, shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Minhyuk continues when all Hyungwon does is cock his head to the side. “I- I’m fine, yeah, are you?”

“Sure,” Hyungwon says, smiling. “Bruises are almost gone, and I can go outside now. I’m over it.”

Minhyuk chews his bottom lip for a few moments, eyes falling to where Hyungwon’s hands are hidden in his coat pockets. Hyungwon takes them out and rolls his sleeves up, taking a couple extra steps so Minhyuk can see. “Oh…” Minhyuk says lamely, looking at the brown splotches. “I’m so sorry, god damn.”

“It’s fine, really.” Hyungwon says, tucking his hands back into his pockets. “I’m not bullshitting you just to make you feel better. Were you coming by to see Wonho?”

“Oh, yes, I… I was going to apologize to him, too. I did that in his house, he… I dunno.” Minhyuk takes a deep breath, perhaps just to steady himself. Hyungwon can hear the way it rattles into his dead lungs. “But, if you’re gonna go see him, I can come back another night. He’ll be happier to see you, anyway.”

Hyungwon wants to say some shit about how Minhyuk could come with him, but Hyungwon really, really doesn’t want to be alone with him, despite all his reassuring comments. So, he just nods and thanks Minhyuk, and he watches until Minhyuk is gone before heading underground.

He didn’t call ahead, so Wonho greets him with a happy cry, coming to wrap his arms around Hyungwon’s shoulders. “Good evening, dear!” Wonho says, cupping Hyungwon’s face in his hands. “I wasn’t expecting you. What’s up?”

“Nothing. My blood pressure, maybe.” Hyungwon jokes, covering Wonho’s hands with his own. “You gotta eat me, dude.”

Wonho smiles, taking one of Hyungwon’s hands in his and biting the tip of his finger, all blunt teeth. “A change of pace, I’ll eat your finger.” Wonho says, chewing lightly on it. Then, his voice drops to seriousness and he says, “Are you sure, though? I… I’m worried about your… your comfort, dear.”

“This is routine, enjoyable routine. I’d feel worse if we skipped it.” Hyungwon explains, curling his finger to press against the back of Wonho’s teeth.

Wonho nods slightly, letting Hyungwon’s hand drop and then kissing him with just the amount of force and heat that Hyungwon needs. Hyungwon puts his hands on Wonho’s hips and pushes him backwards, knowing that his living room is straight ahead even in the barely-there lighting. Wonho is somehow graceful even when stumbling and twirls them around so Hyungwon is the one backing up, pulling at his bottom lip with his teeth.

Wonho guides Hyungwon so when he hits something, it’s the couch. Hyungwon sits and Wonho is on him in an instant, settling into his lap and kissing down the side of his neck.

This is exactly the sort of thing Hyungwon needed to distract himself from last week’s events. Hyungwon slides his hands along Wonho’s thighs, clad in tight denim, and ends up at his ass. He gets open-mouthed kisses on his neck in response, fangs raking across his skin and flaring warmth through him.

Even being the tease he is, Wonho is a hungry tease, and he soon sinks his teeth into Hyungwon’s flesh. Hyungwon feels an odd rush of anxiety from it, reminding him of the very first time Wonho bit him. He figures that it’s all connected to last week and it makes him… somewhat angry, angry that his subconscious is still bothered by it.

Hyungwon lets his eyes fall shut when Wonho begins drinking from him proper, focusing on the sensation of Wonho’s tongue pressed flat against Hyungwon’s skin, catching blood before it can roll down Hyungwon’s neck.

Hyungwon is certain that Wonho doesn’t feed as much as he’d like this time, probably for Hyungwon’s benefit. All the same, Hyungwon crushes their mouths together once Wonho is sitting upright and knows he’ll be the only one coming away from it with bruised lips.

Wonho kisses along Hyungwon’s jawline and whispers in his ear, “I love you, dear.”

Hyungwon nods. “I love you too.”

Wonho kisses him again, far gentler, a hand coming up to rub almost fondly at the new wound on Hyungwon’s neck. Hyungwon feels a surge of emotion, something like gratitude, because Wonho is so gentle with him. Even their rough kisses still contain a measured sort of control, Wonho always careful not to hurt Hyungwon unless Hyungwon permits it.

Hyungwon is somewhat scared to find tears in his eyes, and fails to rub them away before Wonho sees.

“What’s wrong?” Wonho asks, voice soft as he brings his hands to Hyungwon’s cheeks.

“It’s-” Hyungwon stops himself from saying nothing, because it is something, and Wonho has a right to know. Hyungwon doesn’t like closing himself off, from his boyfriend in particular. “I’m so scared,” Hyungwon whispers eventually. “I don’t- I don’t regret a goddamn thing, Wonho, and I’m not leaving you, but I… I feel like I’ve gotten in over my head, somehow, like I’m just… too human for this world. Too fragile.”

When Wonho is silent, brown eyes searching Hyungwon’s face, Hyungwon continues. “I- I just… I can’t help but think if things would be different if I wasn’t human. We already had this discussion but I… you know. I think I would be less afraid.”

“You would be cold,” Wonho says suddenly, and tears escape Hyungwon’s eyes when he notices the tears in Wonho’s. “And dead. You would be dead and if- if it didn’t take, Hyungwon, I would have to- to _live_ with that, the fact I killed the most precious thing that my two hundred years have given me. Even if it did take, I- I know, Hyungwon, you would have regrets. You don’t want that.”

The tears that fall from Wonho’s eyes are the same as Hyungwon’s, so Hyungwon is a little more inclined to wipe them away. “You can’t lie to me and say that you wouldn’t,” Wonho adds after a few beats. “You can’t.”

Indeed, he can’t. “I’m going to die someday anyway,” Hyungwon whispers, running his fingers through Wonho’s hair. “What… sixty? Sixty more years is a drop in the bucket for you. It’s not going to _matter_ -” And Hyungwon breaks, unable to keep a sob at bay. He wipes his cheeks himself. “It’s not going to matter in another hundred years, two hundred years. I- I doubt you’ll even remember me. So, what’s the point?”

“Time taking your life is better than me taking it,” Wonho replies, gaze dropping away from Hyungwon’s face. “I can make no guarantees, Hyungwon, because it is disrespectful and unfair to do so, but- for the time being, you are the best I have ever had, in every area.” Wonho sniffs, pulling his sleeve over his hand so he can wipe his eyes. “I don’t want you to be unhappy. You- You will be, either way, but I would rather you be alive.”

Hyungwon can think of no further arguments, nothing extra to add. So, instead, he pulls Wonho against his chest, holding him close, and feels a stab of pain when Wonho sobs into his shoulder.

“I love you so much,” Wonho says, voice choked. “I can’t ever fully express how much I love you, Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon thinks it best to keep quiet, patting Wonho’s back instead. After a long while, Wonho sits up again, wipes his tear-streaked face, and says, “After you graduate, we’ll- we can talk about this again.”

Hyungwon looks at him dumbly, then realizes what he means. “Oh. Okay, I- yes.”

Wonho smiles, then, bright even though there are still tears in his eyes. Hyungwon leans forward and pecks his cheek, tasting salt.

Having this within his reach, a little over a year away- it’s indescribable.


	7. determined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (a.) having made a firm decision and being resolved not to change it  
> (A year has not changed Hyungwon's mind.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be a halloween fic but 1) nobody died 2) nobody even got bitten 3) only wonho cried and 4) it's almost two fucking hours late  
> so anyway. here's this i guess. anticipate: 1) a fuck 2) a die 3) a cry  
> i like numbered lists. they make me feel like i'm funny.
> 
> anyway, reminder that kudos + comments are appreciated! and if you're still reading this trainwreck of an au, thank you!

Hyungwon dreams of bleeding out. He dreams of baring his neck for the last time, light-headed and vision fuzzy around the edges, awaking cold and with stillness in his chest.

There is definitely not stillness in his chest when he awakes, fistfuls of sheets in his hands and sweat beading on his forehead. It takes what feels like hours before his heart rate slows, breaths coming in even and calm, and he wishes for not the first time this week that he could tell his subconscious this is what he wants, above all else. Fuck his singing career, fuck his friends, fuck finishing college altogether, really- he wants to be far removed from it and powerful in many regards.

But, he supposes the human mind doesn’t like the idea of willingly putting yourself to death, no matter how much you tell it that it’s the right thing to do.

Maybe it’s not.

Hyungwon sits up, wiping sweat off his face with the back of his hand and making a face. He looks out his window and finds the sky blue, the beginnings of the sunrise peeking above the horizon, and sighs. Wonho is probably already asleep, and even though he’s voiced before that Hyungwon can call him, whenever, Hyungwon is loathe to do it.

So, he refrains, and lays back down instead until his alarm goes off.

Wonho can’t stop fidgeting with the hem of his coat, and Seungcheol calls him out on it.

“What’s the matter?” Seungcheol asks, and his words are somehow chilling, like deep inside Wonho knows that Seungcheol has power over him, has lived centuries beyond that which Wonho can even fathom.

That same part that tells him this also tells him to be upfront. “Hyungwon has, essentially, asked that I kill him.” Wonho says, not meeting Seungcheol’s gaze. “And I- I cut a deal with him, I told him that when he graduates college we can… we can talk more about it. And I am so scared.”

“I understand your concerns, I believe.” Seungcheol says slowly, and even though this is Wonho’s house, Seungcheol still puts his feet up on the table. “Life as a turned vampire is not fun, nor rewarding in any way. I have turned many people to know as much, heard many regrets, felt… such a burden, especially with the first few I turned. More so with the first few that did not turn.”

Wonho winces slightly. “I am so scared,” he repeats.

“Does he understand that- that he’s not going to be like you, in almost any respect?” Seungcheol asks. Wonho inhales shakily.

“I- I suppose, I’ve certainly told him enough times… Hyungwon is very stubborn, if he wants something he expects to get it.” Wonho finds that his hands are trembling slightly. “I don’t want to kill him. If- If it doesn’t take, I have to live with that on my shoulders, possibly forever.”

“This will piss you off,” Seungcheol begins slowly, “but you get over it. A century of time between you and your first failure, and you barely remember it. You may remember particulars, but you become so far removed from the past that it’s… not a trouble, anymore.” Seungcheol lets his head bump against the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “You will hurt for a long time, and then it will stop. And you will remember him but you will not remember the pain. It’s… what must be done, when we live like this.”

“I don’t think you understand me perfectly, Seungcheol.” Wonho says, and he sounds less quarrelsome and more- broken, fragile. “If I kill him, and try to turn him, and it does not take- I have no intention of remaining alive.”

“And that is stupid,” Seungcheol replies smoothly. “I love each of my nest members, I will always harbor some sort of affection for my past lovers and my current lovers and everyone that has anything to do with me in-between, but it is not worth dying over.”

Wonho knows that Seungcheol is right, from a logical standpoint, and he hates it. Provided Wonho was human, had a limited lifespan, would die in seventy years, it would make sense. If he killed Hyungwon and Hyungwon remained dead, lifeless and unmoving, it would be perfectly fine for Wonho to kill himself. But Wonho has centuries yawning before him and Hyungwon has decades at the most.

Wonho begins crying without really realizing it, noticing only after he sees a brief flash of shock on Seungcheol’s face. “I d-do not want to be the one to kill him,” Wonho whispers, putting his hands over his face. “I-I would, I would prefer it if h-he lived his life, apart from me, and died apart from me, without me h-having anything to do with it.”

“So, Wonho,” Seungcheol says, and the tone reminds Wonho of a wise mother, “maybe you should have thought about that when you first propositioned him.”

“I wasn’t thinking this far ahead,” Wonho almost sobs, words coming out desperate and choked. “I- I didn’t think I would ever fall in love with him, or him with me, I- I had every intention of using him as a food source and nothing else, fucking him, maybe. I loved him for months before I told him, and I- I suspect he did as well, and I don’t-” Wonho cuts himself off, stifling a cry in the back of his throat. “He trusts me so much, Seungcheol. He trusts that he will wake up, even if it is cold and unnatural.”

Seungcheol is silent after that, staring at the far wall thoughtfully. After Wonho has cleared his face of tears and is left with nothing more than a lump in his throat, Seungcheol asks quietly, “Do you know how to do it?”

“It?”

“The turning process. Turned vampires will know, but born vampires must learn from word of mouth or by trial and error.”

Wonho imagines Seungcheol hunched over a corpse, crying in guilt because he didn’t know any better before trying to turn someone. He swallows. “Not exactly.”

“Of course, you drain them,” Seungcheol says, and it’s almost too casual for the topic. “Do you know why you drain them? It is a transfer of power, primarily. Placing them below you if you kill them. This is also why someone will not turn if you simply feed them your blood.” Seungcheol pauses to take a breath. “You injure yourself, somehow, and let your blood flow into their mouth. It is ideal to do it within minutes of draining them completely, once you can confirm they are dead. And then it is wise to put the corpse somewhere that you can keep track of it. This is because, if it takes, you will have a newborn vampire with an initially-insatiable thirst, and you must control them and aid them. Some bury the corpse, some keep the corpse in their house. I, for one, have a specific room in my house cordoned off for newborns. I do not let newborns hunt on their own until the fifth month.”

Seungcheol stops to shrug. “But, you don’t have to follow particulars. Basically, kill him, feed him, keep him somewhere. If it takes, he will wake up within the week, after sundown. If it does not… you know.”

Wonho stares at the floor, at his socked feet. “I don’t want to hear him tell me that he regrets it.”

“Not telling you does not change the fact that he will,” Seungcheol says softly. “I have met… perhaps two turned vampires in all my years that fully enjoy their new life and have zero regrets about being turned along with zero things they miss about their human life.”

“Tell me particulars,” Wonho says quietly, moving off the topic.

“Keep him safe,” Seungcheol replies. “Do not let him near areas with heavy hunter presence, as well as populated areas. I recommend that you bring him people to feed off of rather than allowing him to hunt, if not for the full five months at least for the first two weeks. Do not trust him for a single moment until he shows full signs of stability.”

“Full signs of stability,” Wonho repeats, and Seungcheol takes that as a prompt.

“Of course, those are not to be fully trusted either. But they consist of the eye color, articulation of sentences, and bodily movements. Newborns do not have fluidity, they move very jerkily and rapidly. They can barely think, let alone speak, past the bloodlust, so if he does speak it will be unintelligible until he is somewhat stable. And, of course, the eyes.” Seungcheol makes a vague hand gesture, crossing one leg over the other. “It all comes down to instinct, really. Do not be afraid to hurt him, restrain him if you need to. He will heal as long as you don’t take a limb off or something like that. And, they still process what you say while they are new, even if they cannot respond. Tell him that you love him.”

Wonho’s lip trembles. He nods. “Okay. S-Seungcheol, thank you, really… for everything, for coming down here, for your help.”

“It’s no problem, don’t get all teary again. But, what exactly set this off? Why does he want to be turned?”

“I- he’s asked me about it before and I shut him down fairly quickly because I was not prepared to talk about it. Recently… you remember Minhyuk, right?”

“Of course.”

“Hyungwon wanted to meet him and Minhyuk snapped. He- He was going to kill him, right before my eyes, I- I think that opened both of us back up to the idea. Hyungwon wants it for his own safety and a feeling of invulnerability, and I- I… somewhat want it because it reminded me of his mortality.”

“Unfortunate, but expected. I hope everything works out okay. But,” Seungcheol rises, patting his legs absently, “I’ve got to get home, soon. Keep me updated. Take care of yourself, and everyone.”

Wonho stands and pulls Seungcheol into a hug, barely keeping himself from tearing up again. “Thank you, again. Be safe, take care of your kids.”

“I will indeed.” Seungcheol says, carefully extracting himself from Wonho’s hold and leaving with a wave over his shoulder.

The house falls silent and, once he sits again, Wonho wishes Hyungwon was not asleep, because now all he wants is to hear his voice.

“Give me your phone,” Hyungwon says, and Dasom looks absolutely appalled.

“Why?” She asks, voice rising slightly in pitch.

“I’ve got something to tell you and I don’t want you to immediately make decisions concerning it, which might include calling some people who would throw my ass in jail.” Hyungwon explains dryly, hand still outstretched.

“Damn, did you kill someone?” Dasom asks, eyebrow raising.

“Something like that.” Hyungwon replies. Dasom begrudgingly deposits her phone in Hyungwon’s hand and Hyungwon puts it in his coat pocket. “Alright. So, my boyfriend.”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“He’s going to kill me.”

“What?” Dasom asks, deadpan.

“My boyfriend is someone you have heard of beyond me, even in passing or vaguely,” Hyungwon says, mouth dry. He’s scared, despite it all. “My boyfriend is… well, do you want to guess?”

“You’re a bitch,” Dasom complains. “Is he a mobster? Some kind of criminal? Government agent… or, oo- a vampire!”

Hyungwon sucks in a breath, and then sees the realization move across Dasom’s face. “Wait, I- he, his name, he’s-?”

“Yep,” Hyungwon replies simply, feeling almost embarrassed. “I kept it a secret because of obvious reasons, but especially from you because I knew that you would try to play hero and call it in.”

“You’re a bitch times two!” Dasom shouts, shoving Hyungwon’s shoulder, and Hyungwon is glad they’re at her apartment and not in public. “You know I wouldn’t have done that to you, I’m not an asshole. It’s- I dunno, it’s… the same as everyone else we could possibly love, isn’t it? We don’t choose it, or some deep shit like that. But… why is he gonna kill you?”

“Past graduation, I will not be here,” Hyungwon says, and the fear from earlier returns, settling heavy. “I will not be using my music degree, I will not be in touch for a very long time, and I will not be the same.”

“Nuh-uh,” Dasom says, by way of response. “Nuh-uh, Hyungwon, you’re really gonna-?”

“I have plans to. It is, in the end, up to Wonho, and I want nobody else to kill me but him.” Hyungwon takes a deep breath. “You’re the only one I’m telling about this. If you tell anyone, you’re the first person I’m eating when I’m turned.”

Dasom laughs at this, thankfully. “Alright, way to go, a death threat you can finally follow through with. But, uh…” Dasom looks shy for a moment, cheeks coloring and eyes moving away from Hyungwon’s face. “Please, when you’re… all settled and everything, or whatever, call me. I- we’re friends, right? I don’t want to lose you just ‘cause you’re… different, suddenly.”

It’s touching and Hyungwon feels tears rise to his eyes. Embarrassing. “We’re friends, Dasom, yes. I’ll- I promise, I’ll stay in touch. But, we have another year together. So, while we’re still here, still the same, let’s bond over DNA and nitrogen bases.”

“Ah, yes,” Dasom says, and she actually reaches up to dab tears out of the corners of her eyes. “I’ve got some mutation charts hot and ready for you.”

“Delicious.”

A year isn’t that long. Hyungwon’s fingernails press indents into the leather folder he’s holding, containing his diploma, ready to be framed and hung on his wall later. Chae Hyungwon, Bachelor’s in Music. Worthless, now.

In the end, it is still an exciting event, and he goes to the grad party because he might as well get shitfaced before he dies.

In fact, he has lots of things on his ‘to do before I fucking die’ list, except his planned death is looming ever nearer. There are things he can still do after he’s turned, like travel and the such, but things like ‘eat fifty pounds of cheesecake’ will have to go.

Most of his improv goals involve Wonho, really. And he decides he wants to spend his ugly hangover tomorrow with Wonho, a goal that is realized with Wonho drawing all the curtains closed in Hyungwon’s apartment to protect both of them and ending up passing out before Hyungwon does.

It’s cute, Wonho’s mouth half-open and air stuttering into his lungs unevenly, as if his vampire subconscious has no clue how to breathe normally. Hyungwon was hoping for cuddles and babying through his shitty headache and regular heaving, but the sight of Wonho sleeping as peacefully as possible on his couch is good too.

His vision is bleary and his head is pounding but he still sits up and watches Wonho before his eyes slip shut all on their own. Behind his closed lids, he sees the curve of Wonho’s lips and the delicate lines of his face, so soft. He imagines Wonho crying and cursing himself and not being able to sleep for weeks because Hyungwon never wakes up.

A year has not changed his mind.


	8. melancholy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (n.) a feeling of pensive sadness  
> (It is there, thick and heavy, and then it is not.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello naughty children it is death time

“Mom, I don’t want you to ask a bunch of questions,” Hyungwon says quietly into the receiver, chewing the inside of his mouth in the tense pause that follows. “But, I’m going to be gone for a while, and I wanted to call you before that happened.”

“Okay, Hyungwon,” his mother replies, surprisingly calm. “I’m glad you called me, dear. I won’t ask questions, but please call me as soon as you can.”

Hyungwon smiles to himself, feeling grateful tears prick at his eyes. “Thank you so much. I- I really don’t want to rush, since it’s been a couple weeks since we’ve spoken, but I’ve got somewhere to be-”

“Don’t worry, dear!” His mother cuts in, and he hears the smile in her voice. “I love you so much, Hyungwon. Stay strong, and good luck with whatever you’re doing!”

“Thank you, I love you too. Bye, Mom.” Hyungwon stares at his phone screen even after his mom has hung up, displaying his lock screen as it always does when calls are ended. His lock screen, a picture of the sunset that Wonho took on his phone, tells him to slide to unlock. He tosses it onto the bed instead, he himself following soon after.

He is so nervous. He’s asked himself so many times these past few weeks if this is what he wants, if he wants to give up his life for the one he loves and risk losing everything. Every time, his answer has been _yes, yes, of course, of course it is_. But, at his core, he is terrified of dying, even if it’s not for good. He will be dead, for an undetermined amount of time, and then he will not be. And that’s if everything goes well.

If it doesn’t… well. Hyungwon doesn’t want to think about Wonho with dirt on his hands and tears on his cheeks.

Wonho told him yesterday that they could do it this weekend, if Hyungwon wanted to. It gives Hyungwon ample time to change his mind, even though Wonho knows he won’t. And, it’s true, Hyungwon won’t.

But, the worries eat at him like a disease. He almost wants to cry, just to release all the tension.

This weekend. Placing a date to his death is so strange, knowing that his Saturday won’t be spent sneaking down a dark alleyway to visit his boyfriend just for the hell of it. No, instead his boyfriend will be killing him.

Hyungwon cries.

Hyungwon and Wonho sit in Wonho’s living room floor, a tangle of limbs as they look into each other’s eyes. Hyungwon feels that it’s terribly cheesy for them to be gazing at one another so unabashedly, but Wonho’s fingers are rubbing gentle circles into the small of Hyungwon’s back and really, Hyungwon could care less about cheesiness. He’s about to die, for god’s sake.

“If- If this doesn’t work, Hyungwon,” Wonho says, voice barely above a whisper, running his hands along Hyungwon’s waist and resting them on his thighs, “I- I want you to know some things.”

Hyungwon presses closer to Wonho’s chest, nodding. “Okay. Okay.”

“I want you to know,” and Wonho pauses to take a deep breath, inhaling through his nose while his face is tucked against Hyungwon’s neck, “that I love you more than I have loved anyone else in my entire lifetime, and I always will. You claim that if you die tonight you’ll end up as only a drop in my ocean of eternity, but you are so much more. Hyungwon, you are the entire ocean, and you will be no matter what happens.”

“Did you have this planned?” Hyungwon replies, teasing to chase away the emotion bubbling in the back of his throat. He fails, entirely, tears slipping down his cheeks. “God, you’re the worst, don’t say things like that.”

Wonho pulls his head up and wipes Hyungwon’s cheeks with the heels of his hands. He smiles despite the tears welling in his own eyes. “I did have this planned, actually. I want the last things you hear to be something good and cheesy, as per our usual.”

Hyungwon laughs, leaning his head into one of Wonho’s palms. Wonho rubs his thumb underneath Hyungwon’s eye. “You and I both know that the last thing I hear will end up being some sort of useless bickering, like about how my ass is going numb because your stupid feet are underneath my asscheeks.”

“It’s not my fault your ass is bony and my feet are making it go numb,” Wonho retaliates, and Hyungwon gasps.

“My ass is not bony, you shut your fucking mouth.”

Wonho grins, then kisses Hyungwon, melting away Hyungwon’s joking offense in seconds. New tears roll down Hyungwon’s face and it’s almost exhausting, because he thinks he’s cried more in the past week than he has in the past twenty or so years of his life.

“Ugh, fine,” Hyungwon says after Wonho’s planted a few more kisses on his lips, fond and gentle as always. “Let’s get this show on the goddamn road. I love you, you big gay ass.”

Wonho takes Hyungwon’s face in his hands and smooshes Hyungwon’s cheeks up, cooing at him in a way that makes Hyungwon roll his eyes. Wonho seems to laugh, but it comes out as more of a choked sob and Hyungwon hurries to catch the tears before they fall, resting his thumbs beneath Wonho’s eyes. “I love you so much, Hyungwon,” Wonho whispers, turning his head to kiss one of Hyungwon’s palms.

Hyungwon breaks down the barrier that protects him from feeling too much and says, with as much meaning as he could ever muster, “I love you too, Wonho.”

Wonho nods slowly, kissing Hyungwon again before kissing down the side of his neck. Hyungwon still feels that electric thrill that he always does when Wonho is about to bite him, but it dampens when he realizes this will, most likely, be the last time.

But, in the end, it still doesn’t stop heat from flooding him when Wonho bites him, not so quick to remove the fangs this time and instead pushing them deeper. It hurts more than usual, probably due to this, but Hyungwon doesn’t let Wonho know. He can’t afford to let either of them have second thoughts, now.

Hyungwon holds onto Wonho’s shoulders, face turned away from him to make things easier, and he closes his eyes. Yes, indeed, if he doesn’t wake up, if all this goes south and Wonho has to bury him tonight, he does want his last everything to be something good. So he thinks about all the things he and Wonho have done together, from their meeting to their first date to now and every single thing in-between. He ends up crying again, anguished at the thought that he could be tossing that all away at a chance to have it forever.

It seems like forever now, actually, bleeding out in Wonho’s arms. Wonho bites him again to open the wounds up more and pulls away for a moment to apologize, whispering in Hyungwon’s ear. Hyungwon grunts in response, just to acknowledge, and Wonho whispers an I-love-you before he sets back to draining- _draining_ Hyungwon. The realization had not come, yet, but Hyungwon is about to die and it is scary.

Hyungwon holds tighter to Wonho’s shoulders. Wonho’s arms go around his waist, tight, holding him close.

The first signs of weakness in Hyungwon’s hands and the first fuzzy rim of white around his vision is almost enough to scare him into telling Wonho to stop, and it’s almost as if Wonho reads his mind, because he pulls away and says, “Are you sure?”

Hyungwon looks not at Wonho’s mouth, smeared with red, but into his eyes, rich brown and full of concern, worry, love, hurt. He licks his lips and nods.

“I love you,” Wonho whispers.

“I love you too,” Hyungwon whispers in reply, and he finds his voice faint and strained, possibly from nerves.

The blood rushing in Hyungwon’s ears sounds odd, not as strong as it usually is. When Wonho has opened up the wound on Hyungwon’s neck more, Hyungwon lets his head fall forward, forehead resting on Wonho’s shoulder.

Hyungwon is going to die, right now, white creeping behind his eyelids and hands slipping off of Wonho’s shoulders. He thinks of Wonho, Wonho smiling and stroking the sides of his face and telling him how beautiful he is.

And then he thinks of nothing.

It doesn’t sink in until Wonho has already pressed his wrist to Hyungwon’s mouth, drips of crimson falling onto Hyungwon’s teeth and tongue. After it does, Wonho cannot stop crying.

“Oh my god,” Wonho whispers to himself, then he repeats it, louder, bringing his wrist back to his mouth so he can tear it open again. He doesn’t know exactly how much blood he needs to feed back, he wasn’t given specifics on that front, but he wants to be absolutely sure.

He falls into a mantra of ‘oh my god’ and ‘what have I done’, wiping the blood off Hyungwon’s lips and hugging him close to his chest. Wonho refuses to think of him as anything less, refuses to attach the name ‘corpse’ to Hyungwon.

Wonho does not know how long he sits there, crying into Hyungwon’s shoulder, but by the time he’s gotten a hold of himself, Hyungwon is growing cold in his arms. And either way, Hyungwon will now stay cold.

Wonho wipes his face with the back of his hand and stands up, hefting Hyungwon into his arms and carrying him to the bedroom. He pulls the covers back and settles Hyungwon into bed, then crawls in beside him. He feels the oncoming dawn, pulling him to sleep, so he does.

Days pass like this, Wonho rarely leaving bed, wanting the first thing Hyungwon wakes up to to be him. His days are more like an extended nap, until he hears his phone ringing from the living room.

Wonho doesn’t have time to feel somewhat embarrassed that he stumbles when his feet hit the floor, flitting into the living room and answering his phone with a hurried, “Hello?”

“Wonho?” comes Seungcheol’s voice, and Wonho exhales in relief.

“Hello, Seungcheol,” Wonho says, and he decides to stay in the living room. It’s probably not good for him to stay in bed for so long. So, he sits on the couch and fiddles with his hair absently. “Uh, h-how are you?”

“I was about to ask you the same. I’m doing fine, and you?”

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“I killed Hyungwon a week ago,” Wonho blurts, immediately feeling tears well in his eyes.

“And he still hasn’t woken up?” Seungcheol asks.

“No,” Wonho nearly sobs, breath stuttering into his lungs. “I’m so scared, Seungcheol, what if I-?” Wonho breaks off, covering his mouth with a hand. He doesn’t want to think about it.

“Don’t give up hope, Wonho, some take a month or more to wake up. It varies from person to person, just because he didn’t arise immediately doesn’t mean he isn’t going to.” Seungcheol shifts on the other end, and Wonho hears the creak of a desk chair. “If you ever need someone to talk to, or something to do while you wait, I’m always here. Call me.”

“Okay,” Wonho says quietly. “Okay. Thank you for calling.”

“No problem, man. Good luck. Bye.”

Wonho hears the click but whispers ‘bye’ anyway, keeping the phone in his hands. He feels so empty, life devoid of the one thing occupying his days. He can’t imagine what he’ll do if Hyungwon doesn’t wake up.

Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and Wonho goes from a panicky blend of regrets and fear to something numb.

He calls Seungcheol again, because Seungcheol told him he could if something happened or if Wonho needed him.

Foregoing greetings, Wonho simply says, "He still hasn't woken up."

And Seungcheol replies, "I think this is a conversation best had in person."

Seungcheol is at Wonho's door within the hour, having previously visited earlier in the week to bring Wonho blood bags. Seungcheol must see it on Wonho's face, because he folds Wonho into a gentle but somewhat awkward hug, hand brushing Wonho's hair away from his forehead.

"I'm sorry," is all Seungcheol says. Wonho sobs into his shoulder.

"I wish he could hear me," Wonho chokes out between gasping breaths, "I wish I could tell him how sorry I am about this, how- how I can never replace him, I won't- Seungcheol, I can't-"

"Shh," Seungcheol says, hugging Wonho closer. "It is not too late, Wonho."

"Three months," Wonho breathes, and of course Seungcheol can hear it. "Three months is too late."

"It is not too late," Seungcheol repeats, firmer this time, almost like a parent trying to calm his overreacting child. "I can stay if you want me to, Wonho. If- If things are too much, if you need me to do things for you..."

Wonho wants to brush away his help. He wants to feel by himself, cry into his pillows and hold Hyungwon's cold hands in his. He doesn't want Seungcheol to see him like this, not anymore than he has to.

But, in the end, he just nods and cries more, even as Seungcheol carefully picks him off his feet and carries him to the couch so they can sit.

Wonho barely registers Seungcheol getting up, leaned against the couch with his face pressed into the cushions, but Seungcheol tugs at his shirt when he returns. Wonho looks at him, remaining silent.

"Come here," Seungcheol says, taking Wonho's hand in his and pulling. However gentle he meant the gesture, it still lifts Wonho off the couch, so Wonho straightens fully and stumbles along behind Seungcheol.

"No, no," Wonho moans when he notices that they're heading for Wonho's bedroom.

"Keep it together for just a minute," Seungcheol chides, pushing the door open with his elbow and coming to stand beside the bed, where Hyungwon lays, looking like a porcelain doll with his pale, smooth skin and unmoving body. "Well? Come here." Seungcheol says when he sees Wonho lingering at the doorway.

Wonho shuffles over, trying to avert his eyes, but Seungcheol takes his chin between his thumb and forefinger and turns his head to Hyungwon- Hyungwon's body. Wonho's eyes fill with tears again.

"Look," Seungcheol says, picking Hyungwon's hand up. "No discoloration, beyond the veins." He lets his hand drop, reaching over to gently push Hyungwon's head to the side, exposing the side of his neck that Wonho fed from. "This has healed, Wonho. Do you see this?"

Wonho wipes his eyes with the backs of his hands, leaning over to get a closer look. And, indeed, it has healed- dull gray skin has replaced what was once a smattering of puncture wounds and dark bruises.

"If he was going to stay dead, Wonho," Seungcheol says, brushing his fingers across the scarred skin, "this would have stayed open, and festered. I have seen people who have not woken up, Wonho, and they never look like this."

Wonho tries not to let himself hope, preparing for the worst. Seungcheol turns to leave, and Wonho watches him, waiting until he's gone before he sits on the side of the bed and lays his head on Hyungwon's chest.

Cold, and still. Even if Hyungwon wakes up, Wonho will never hear his pretty heartbeat ever again.

Wonho presses his face into Hyungwon's chest and wails.

Another week. Seungcheol suggests they bury him.

"Sometimes it does not take fully," Seungcheol explains quietly. "If he does awake, he will fight his way out of the grave, which is not ideal but certainly possible. If he does not, well... he gets a resting place."

So, Wonho agrees. He carries Hyungwon in his arms, making sure that, instead of falling backwards, Hyungwon's head rests against his shoulder. Seungcheol picks out a distant area of the woods with lots of free space to make the grave, and even shows up with a bouquet of flowers.

"Courtesy of Jeonghan," Seungcheol says when he sees Wonho eyeing the white lilies. "He- He's one of the only one of us who has a will to go outside, now. He brought them to me just before sundown."

Wonho bites his lip, trying to keep the tears at bay for now. "Tell- tell him thank you."

Seungcheol simply nods.

Seungcheol digs the grave and Wonho sits with Hyungwon in his lap, whispering things that Hyungwon cannot hear, apologies and promises and things that Wonho can't even understand. Hyungwon is truly taking Wonho's heart with him to the grave.

"Wonho," Seungcheol says softly. Wonho raises his head and sees that Seungcheol has finished his work.

Wonho takes a deep breath and scoots closer to the grave, dropping into it and carefully laying Hyungwon in it. He stops for a moment, leaning over Hyungwon, before he drops a soft kiss against his icy lips.

"I love you," Wonho whispers, and he's never meant anything more. "I love you so much."

When Wonho looks up, Seungcheol is holding out a hand to help Wonho out, even though it's far from necessary. Wonho sees that there are tears gathering in the corners of Seungcheol's eyes.

Wonho takes Seungcheol's hand and lets himself be pulled out. He doesn't watch as Seungcheol drops dirt into the deep hole, instead staring at the tops of the trees, listening to frogs croaking and birds chirping to one another.

Wonho's world is being buried behind him, but the world at large goes on. It seems impolite, to him, that others still have their treasures and he has lost his, killed by his own hand.

"I," Seungcheol starts quietly, after a long stretch of time. "I keep- well, I guess I shouldn't..."

Wonho stays silent.

"I keep thinking about what it would be like if I was- well, if I was you," Seungcheol continues. "It's certainly not the first time I've laid a failure to rest, but- I've never cherished anyone and then attempted to turn them. I cannot imagine what sort of fear you must have felt leading up to it in the first place."

"I always gave him what he wanted," Wonho replies, a small smile coming to his face. "Always. Even his own death, I still gave it to him because he wanted it so bad. He didn't want to die and leave me alone, but he still did."

Seungcheol shuffles almost nervously, looking off to the side. "I'm sorry."

Wonho comes to pick the lilies up from where Seungcheol has laid them on the ground, placing them on the freshly upturned dirt, at the head. "I suppose it's alright, now. Let's... let's go home."

First: _what the fuck, that's dirt._

Second: _did that bitch fucking bury me?_

Third: _oh, what the fuck, I'm really hungry._

Moving through dirt is like trying to push your way through a mountain, but Hyungwon does it, inhaling deeply when his face is aboveground.

"Holy shit, where the fuck am I?" Hyungwon asks himself, mumbling under his breath as he looks around. "This is fucked up."

Hyungwon completes his struggle to the surface and then flops onto his back, still taking slow, deep breaths. Then it occurs to him that he really doesn't need to do that anymore, and the realization comes crashing down on him.

It worked. He doesn't know how long it took him, but it worked. And the stars are so bright, the birds are so loud, and it is so quiet and cold inside him.

Hyungwon can't help but laugh, even that coming out strange and different to his ears. He is a vampire. And he is so happy.

He sits up, shaking dirt out of his hair and making a face at the smears of dust covering his clothes- the clothes he died in, he realizes belatedly, as he sees the streaks of blood down the front and along the collar. He looks around, seeing a bouquet of lilies laying on the ground near him, looking freshly bought. It almost brings tears to his eyes, the thought that Wonho would have potentially kept bringing lilies to Hyungwon's grave for years and years to come.

Well, at least he doesn't have to, now.

Speaking of which. Hyungwon decides he really needs to get home, then. But- that means going into town, being around people, alive and warm and what Hyungwon's new brain is telling him that he needs above all else.

_Fuck off, I need my boyfriend first._

Hyungwon has truly never felt so shitty until right now, standing at Wonho's door with his forehead pressed against the cool wood. Not even finals week could compare to this shit, feeling like he's being eaten alive by the burning need to _feed_ , sink his teeth into something that can give him sustenance. It's disturbing, quite frankly.

Hyungwon licks his lips, grimacing when the tips of his fangs graze the sides of his tongue, and knocks by way of banging his head against the door. He can hear shuffling beyond the door. _He's home_.

The door opens and Hyungwon falls against Wonho, the door supporting his weight disappearing before him. Wonho gasps, too loud to Hyungwon's ears, and then sobs.

"Ugh, you big crybaby," Hyungwon complains as Wonho wraps him into a hug, sobbing into Hyungwon's shoulder. Despite it, he feels the uncomfortable hotness that signals oncoming tears, but they never come.

Wonho lifts his head, cupping Hyungwon's cheeks in his hands and looking closely at him. "Oh, my god," Wonho says at last, new tears streaming down his face. "Oh my god, I love you so much, oh my god."

Hyungwon nods, throwing any thoughts of brushing this aside out the window. Wonho no doubt thought that Hyungwon was 100% dead, that he'd never, ever see Hyungwon again. Hyungwon cannot imagine. He kisses Wonho's forehead and whispers, "I love you too."

Wonho sobs again, wrapping his arms around Hyungwon's neck and pulling him in to kiss him. The angle is a little off and Hyungwon's fangs catch Wonho's lips when they part, but the small smear of blood that the wound offers before it closes tastes _heavenly_.

Hyungwon presses closer, eager for more, but Wonho pulls away. "You need to feed so badly," Wonho says, sounding breathless. "Here, bite me."

"Bite you?" Hyungwon repeats, and Wonho nods.

"Yes, born vampires are good to eat, I promise. Just not as pleasing to the tastebuds as humans."

"I dunno, you taste pretty damn great to me." Hyungwon says flatly, and Wonho laughs. Hyungwon dips his head to kiss Wonho's neck, pulling the collar of his shirt aside, and he inhales deeply. Wonho's heartbeat is definitely slower than the humans' outside, blood running sluggishly beneath his skin, but it seems to sing to Hyungwon, pleading to him, asking for consumption.

Hyungwon thinks, briefly, about how good it would feel when Wonho bit him and hopes that he can make it feel half as good as he sinks his teeth into Wonho's flesh.


	9. adjust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (v.) adapt or become used to a new situation.  
> (This is working out just fine.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here's all i have to offer at the moment. i'll rewrite this fic someday i promise bc rn it's so badly planned out. @ me why did you do this  
> anyway. ye thanks for reading pls await the new and improved mood swings when i don't have other things to do!!!!!!!!

Above all else, Hyungwon is left with questions. Some of them Wonho cannot answer perfectly, so Wonho promises that he’ll call Seungcheol and get him to come over for a night.

“Oh, Seungcheol,” Hyungwon repeats after Wonho’s done speaking, and Wonho nods. “He was the one who helped us find Minhyuk, right?”

Wonho nods. “Right. But, in advance: he is a very powerful vampire, so your instinct will no doubt be to be scared of him. He will not do anything to you.”

Hyungwon makes a soft noise, almost of awe, looking down at his hands. He’s still not used to his own paleness. “How do you know him?”

“I was very close to joining his nest at one point,” Wonho explains. “We were friends almost 50 years ago, but we separated when I moved away from Seoul. After that, I never talked to him, so I had to go pay him a visit in person. He… he was a great help, in recent times.”

Hyungwon understands what Wonho is referring to, so he simply nods, folding his legs up and pulling his knees to his chest. “I’m… I’m glad. I can’t wait to meet him.”

And so, Seungcheol is over within the week, looking the picture of old vampire with his long trench coat and shiny rings. True to Wonho’s warning, Hyungwon does feel prickles of fear, an embedded mechanism letting Hyungwon know that Seungcheol is above him.

Wonho greets him amicably, so Hyungwon thinks it best to do the same. He ends up throwing out what feels like a too-casual, “Sup,”.

Seungcheol stops short, eyes moving from Wonho to Hyungwon. The fear spikes again when Seungcheol looks at him so critically, as if he’s searching for something, and it’s ever worse when Seungcheol approaches and puts his hands on Hyungwon’s cheeks.

Seungcheol tips Hyungwon’s head back and says, “What a marvel.”

“What?” Hyungwon asks, voice coming out a little muffled due to Seungcheol’s hands squishing his cheeks up.

“Never have I seen this in just two weeks post-turning,” Seungcheol says, looking over his shoulder at Wonho. “Come look at this, it’s incredible.”

“Will you please tell me what the fuck you’re doing,” Hyungwon deadpans, and Seungcheol actually cracks a smile. He somehow came off as not the smiley type.

Seungcheol dips closer to Hyungwon’s face, the tips of their noses almost brushing. “Your eyes are brown, dear. They usually stay a sort of ruddy color until a month or two of regular feeding, but this… how incredible.”

Hyungwon feels almost proud of himself, flicking his attention to Wonho. Wonho is smiling, and looks somewhat tearful. “That is,” Hyungwon begins, looking back at Seungcheol, “real fuckin’ neato.”

Seungcheol laughs, letting his hands drop away from Hyungwon’s face and turning his attention to Wonho. “Wonho, what have you been feeding him?”

“Uh, well, uh,” Wonho’s cheeks color slightly and he looks down at the floor, “uh, m-myself. And blood bags, but mostly… yes, myself.”

Seungcheol looks back to Hyungwon. “And that tastes good to you?”

Hyungwon flusters, suddenly put on the spot. “Uh, it’s- I can tell the blood bags do more for me, like, uh… nutritionally… but- I dunno. Biting him still… satisfies it.”

Seungcheol nods slowly, as if absorbing the information. “I see. Interesting. So, what was it you wanted to ask me?”

Hyungwon gets his answers in due time and Seungcheol leaves so he doesn’t cut it too close to dawn. He learns that vampires and humans alike don’t know much about what causes vampirism, that the vast majority of hunter guilds are actually illegal as they’re not government sanctioned, and that, with time, everything gets easier.

Of course, Hyungwon’s questions were answered in a lot more words than he ends up writing down so that he remembers it all. Seungcheol is a very long-winded fellow. Hyungwon has decided that he likes him.

While Hyungwon is writing this down at the kitchen table, Wonho wraps his arms around his shoulders and presses a kiss to his temple. “Hey,” Hyungwon says softly, an acknowledgement.

“Hey,” Wonho replies in turn, kissing Hyungwon’s cheek. “Are you… adjusting well?”

“I still feel like shit all the time, so there’s that.” Hyungwon says, a laugh turning his voice up. “But… I think I can handle it.” Hyungwon lays his pen aside, turning in his chair to face Wonho, snaking his arms around Wonho’s waist. “Seungcheol is the leader of a nest, right?”

Wonho brushes his hands through Hyungwon’s hair. “Mmhm. The biggest one in Seoul, and one the Seoul Guild has been trying to eliminate for years.”

“What purpose do nests serve?” Hyungwon asks, blinking up at Wonho.

“Well, there are many reasons for their existence. Sometimes they are random vampires who became friends, sometimes they were previously family, sometimes the head of the nest has created many vampires for the purpose of creating a nest.” Wonho is silent for a moment, thoughtful. “I believe Seungcheol’s nest is the last one. He… was always very lonely. I knew him when he was first talking about making one, and I told him it would be a bad idea. You can see how much he cared about my opinion.”

Hyungwon exhales a short laugh, then pushes Wonho’s shirt up so he can kiss his soft skin. “Question,” Hyungwon says against Wonho’s skin.

“Hm?”

“How long until you’re going to let me go hunting?”

“Oh, well…” Wonho pauses, hands going to rest on Hyungwon’s shoulder. “I wasn’t aware that you wanted to. I suppose it will be good for you to start hunting soon, we can go together.”

“Second question.”

“Yes?”

Hyungwon looks up at Wonho, chin pressing into his stomach. “Can I still bite you even if I don’t need to?”

Wonho smiles. “You always let me bite you when I didn’t need to, so I suppose so.”

Hyungwon grins, purposefully baring teeth. Wonho pokes at one of his fangs with a fingertip and Hyungwon grabs it, rolling it between blunt teeth. “Fingers aren’t good to eat, give me your neck.”

“If you insist. Stand up, it’ll make it easier.”

Hyungwon obliges, immediately nuzzling his face into Wonho’s bare neck. Wonho pulls him closer, turning his head slightly so he can kiss the side of Hyungwon’s head. “If it makes you feel better,” Hyungwon says, raking his teeth across Wonho’s skin, “I wish I could just live off of you. It’d be a lot nicer.”

Wonho laughs slightly. “Flattering. I wish you could too, but we can’t all have nice things in life. We can always sign you up for the feeder program later, but not right now.”

Hyungwon ponders it for a moment, closed lips pressed against Wonho’s neck. He nods softly, then bites into Wonho’s flesh.

Wonho always makes the sweetest noises, caught between a gasp and a moan. Hyungwon holds him even closer, bodies pulled flush as he licks up the blood leaking from the wound in the minutes before it closes.

And, really, Wonho’s blood is nowhere near as pleasant to Hyungwon’s taste as the blood bags, with a more noticeable metallic tang and a bitter aftertaste. But, it fills Hyungwon up all the same, even though the bloodlust nags at him that it needs more.

Their roles are switched and neither of them are human now, but the intimacy is still there, raw and open. Beyond the unsavory taste, Hyungwon thinks he could keep drinking forever.

But, that’s boring. Hyungwon pulls away when he feels the wound seal beneath his tongue, instead catching Wonho’s lips in a kiss. When Hyungwon looks at Wonho, he looks wrecked, face dusted with pink and lips parted. Hyungwon really thinks he should have something with more tact to say, but all that comes out is a somewhat shaky, “Thanks.”

Wonho’s mouth turns up in a smile. “No problem.”

If being in Seungcheol’s presence in his own home was oppressive, being in a whole nest’s presence in _their_ own home is ten times worse. But, this is still where Minhyuk resides, even though it’s been almost a year and a half since his reconnection with his beloved boyfriend. He doesn’t trust himself enough. It’s almost a little sad.

Hyungwon shows up unannounced, by himself, and the surprise shows on the short leader’s face. Hyungwon thinks his name is Jihoon. “Hey,” Hyungwon says, shifting awkwardly on the front stoop.

Hyungwon almost laughs when Jihoon very visibly sniffs him. Jihoon smacks his lips afterwards, looking away from Hyungwon’s face in thought. “Oh, yeah. I know who you are.” Jihoon says eventually, stepping aside so Hyungwon can enter.

“You do?” Hyungwon asks, and Jihoon nods.

“Sure I do. You reek of your cheesy boyfriend, I know that smell anywhere. Also, welcome to the club. How long have you been turned?”

Hyungwon feels a twisted sort of pride when he responds. “Three weeks, now.”

“Wow,” Jihoon replies. “Such a baby. Yet, you seem pretty damn put together.”

“Seungcheol said something similar.”

Jihoon’s eyebrows raise as he shuts the door behind him with his foot. “Seungcheol has been to see you? Or, well- I guess that makes sense, he’s friends with Wonho, right?”

Hyungwon nods. “Right. Seungcheol kept flipping shit over the fact my eyes aren’t even a touch red.”

“He tends to do that. Let me see.” Hyungwon leans down enough so that Jihoon can see closer, and Jihoon squints in scrutiny. “A lie, there’s flecks towards the pupil. But, nonetheless, that’s still pretty fucking cool. Good job. Anyway.” Jihoon pauses for a moment, and Hyungwon notices him licking his teeth. Maybe a nervous habit. “Why exactly are you here?”

“Oh, right. I wanted to see Minhyuk.”

“Ah, yes. He’s in the backyard, I’ll let him know you’re here. Uh…” Jihoon looks around the foyer, then leans to look into the room beyond. He looks back to Hyungwon and asks, “Are you cool with awkward silence with some of my kids?”

“Uh, sure.” Hyungwon replies, and Jihoon nods, a small smile flicking onto his face. Jihoon gestures for him to go sit in the living room and Hyungwon complies, sitting on an unoccupied couch. A couple vampires are sitting around the room, one in the floor under a fuzzy blanket and another curled up on the couch. Hyungwon can tell the one in the floor is born, heart slow in her chest, and the one on the couch is turned as Hyungwon is, his skin pale and veins dark.

The girl offers Hyungwon a, “Hey,” before she turns her attention back to the magazine lying before her. Hyungwon returns the hey and smiles when she does. “I heard mention of Wonho,” the girl says, pushing her magazine away and rolling onto her back so she can look at Hyungwon easier. “What’s your name?”

“Hyungwon. I’m Wonho’s, uh, boyfriend. And… child? I guess.”

She grins, showing fangs. It makes Hyungwon oddly uncomfortable. “That’s cute. Three weeks, huh?”

“Guess you heard all that,” Hyungwon says sheepishly, looking away.

“Sure. We all learn to tune out things when you can hear pretty much anything being said or done in the house at any given time, but I perked up at Wonho. What about you, Chan?”

The vampire on the couch jumps a little. “Oh, uh… I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention. Wonho?”

“Yeah, Wonho.” The girl sits up in one fluid motion, blanket slipping off of her shoulders. There are scars dotted along her skin, and Hyungwon recognizes them as the same ones that still decorate his neck and shoulders. Perhaps she was caught in a similar situation. “By the way,” she says, looking at Hyungwon again, “my name’s Jinah. Stop by if you ever need some intelligent conversation, or maybe a bite to eat. If you catch my drift.”

“I already eat my boyfriend,” Hyungwon blurts without much thought, but it makes Jinah laugh. Hyungwon finds himself chuckling along with her.

“Where is he, anyway?” Jinah asks, tossing her hair over one shoulder absently. “I figured he wouldn’t want to let you out of his sight while you’re still so young.”

“I snuck out,” Hyungwon confesses, and Jinah laughs.

“I doubt you ‘snuck’, he probably knows you left and is worrying himself sick. Make sure you get home before sunrise.”

They all fall silent when Jihoon reenters the room, apparently a side effect of the authority that rolls off him in waves. “Kinda forgot you were in here,” Jihoon says to Hyungwon. “Looks like you were in good company, though. Come on.”

Hyungwon rises from the couch, nodding to Jinah and Chan in a polite sort of acknowledgement, maybe unspoken thanks. Jinah returns the nod, still smiling.

Minhyuk is still sitting outside. Jihoon lingers at the door, possibly to make sure they’re going to be okay together, before he ducks back inside.

“Uh, hey,” Hyungwon says, and even though he knows Minhyuk heard his all-but silent approach, Minhyuk still jumps.

Minhyuk turns towards him and, for no apparent reason, tears up. “Oh, yeah, of course… that would be the only reason you disappeared.” He reaches for Hyungwon’s hands as Hyungwon draws closer to the picnic table, pulling them to his face and resting Hyungwon’s palms on his cheeks. “So cold,” Minhyuk remarks silently, letting Hyungwon’s hands go. Hyungwon pauses to brush some hair out of Minhyuk’s face before he sits. “Jihoon said you wanted to talk to me. What’s up?”

“I… everything.” Hyungwon says with a laugh. “It’s… god, all so much. Even though I- I wanted this, more than anything, it’s still so fucking- there’s a lot to take in. A lot to get used to.”

Minhyuk nods knowingly, looking down at his lap. “It’s hard. And it takes a long time. I still don’t think I’m used to everything.”

“What was hardest for you?” Hyungwon asks.

Without hesitation, Minhyuk replies, “The silence inside. I never noticed my heartbeat when I was alive, but after it was gone…”

Hyungwon nods. “Yeah, definitely. For me, I think… it’s the fangs. I keep catching my lip with them and cutting my tongue and it pisses me off. It still hurts, even if it heals in a couple seconds.”

Minhyuk chuckles. “Ah, I had the same problem. Well, actually, I still do it. All the time.”

It’s pleasant, talking to Minhyuk like this. Minhyuk seems much more open when talking to other vampires, less scared of himself. It’s almost a little sad, to think that this was probably what Minhyuk was like when he was human, and also feels more than a little unfair that he had that snatched from him.

Hyungwon ends up going home feeling strangely warm inside, some sort of sense of belonging settling on his shoulders. He can handle this.

As expected, when he gets home, Wonho fusses over him, smoothing his hair down and kissing his face and chiding him like a mother. But, eventually, curiosity wins out and he asks where Hyungwon went.

“That’s nice,” Wonho says once Hyungwon is finished explaining, and the words are filled with sincerity. “I’m glad you… got to meet some others, more of your league, so to speak.”

“I’ll be your league one day,” Hyungwon says tauntingly, pointing his finger at Wonho. “Just you watch.”

Wonho takes the tip of Hyungwon’s finger between his teeth, grinning. “We’ll see about that,” Wonho replies, words slightly muffled before he drops Hyungwon’s finger. “We’ll see.”

Hyungwon envisions himself exuding authority and power like older vampires do, making newborns cower and shiver before him. It’s a nice idea, but one that comes with a corny image of Hyungwon with a cliche cape tied around his shoulders and slicked back hair. It almost makes him laugh.


End file.
